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    dots Submission Name: like the memory of airdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslike the memory of airdots

    could i fold this gentle heart inside you
    for the purpose of breathing?
    i have all of this love inside me,
    this mystery that i wish for you to solve
    with soft lips for speaking
    through the rest of my life's nights.
    with soft lips to wander
    across this honeyed tongue of mine.

    i had dreams
    in youth
    that spoke of you
    & you alone.
    dreams that made me think
    that you might be real.
    if i move into them,
    even now,
    i can feel the skin
    that made my world unwind.

    your blue circles for seeing
    must still see me even now
    through some perfect vision
    of your secret brain.
    i am the storm
    that gathered in your childhood watchings.
    i am some destiny
    you must remember
    in your sleep.

    second chances may find there way
    into the lives of the deserving
    even now.
    i await some explanation,
    some word,
    that sets my mind at ease
    from the mouth of my hearts enamour.
    i speak of a love
    that was promised
    only moments ago it seems
    by the one that i hold in me
    like the memory of the air itself
    that i have seen...

    Submitted on 2008-06-02 22:19:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      There is something here. Something here that matters. I just think it is buried between too many words. This is where I think it is:

    It is the title but at the bottom of this
    this stanza:

    your blue circles for seeing
    must still see me even now
    through some perfect vision
    of your secret brain. [but I'd take out this line]
    i am the storm
    that gathered in your childhood watchings.
    i am some destiny
    you must remember
    in your sleep
    like the memory of air

    In my opinion, this is all you need. This is beautiful and haunting all at once.

    I hope you are not offended. I think your words are beautiful.

    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]

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