Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: everything that i knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1518



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseverything that i knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    it was everything
    that she could do not to scream.
    she had seen the carpet move
    that way before,
    but never on it's own.
    she had always hated carpet though,
    as have i,
    & the way that things seem to disappear
    almost of our own accord,

    i watched her move across everything,
    the air,
    the carpet, the linoleum
    as if effort
    were something lost to the common folk.
    as if she were the first
    to have done so.

    & yet she pretended
    to not be special.
    she pretended to be
    something small
    in this world
    that knew nothing of it.

    & i wondered how many words i could speak
    before i ruined it.
    before, somehow,
    i would turn into the other part of myself
    that no one could really believe.
    it wasn't long.

    i spoke to myself,
    before hand,
    in jutted cursing language,
    about how only the true me
    could win a heart.
    only me,
    with all of my cobras of intellect,
    no shields or deep chasms
    could ever really mean a thing to her.

    sometimes,
    the world that we wish for
    seems to come to late
    or never at all.
    i no longer wish for worlds though,
    only moments,
    created from the heart,
    & felt,
    so deeply,
    that they last
    through everything that i know...




    Submitted on 2008-06-03 04:34:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you're a strange one.
    (in a good way)

    ...

    this begins so surreally. the carpet, the floor--moving on its ow. the ground dislodging itself from beneath feet. but this time, it wasn't caused by anything, just... natural shifting...

    and--worlds are unreliable. all we have is a breath out, the feel of grass upon thighs...

    hm.



    the one thing i wonder about (form-wise) is the use of "our" at the end of stanza 1.
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162107

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Every..... written by jackz
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Linger written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry