[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: everything that i knowdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 549
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1518


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseverything that i knowdots

    it was everything
    that she could do not to scream.
    she had seen the carpet move
    that way before,
    but never on it's own.
    she had always hated carpet though,
    as have i,
    & the way that things seem to disappear
    almost of our own accord,

    i watched her move across everything,
    the air,
    the carpet, the linoleum
    as if effort
    were something lost to the common folk.
    as if she were the first
    to have done so.

    & yet she pretended
    to not be special.
    she pretended to be
    something small
    in this world
    that knew nothing of it.

    & i wondered how many words i could speak
    before i ruined it.
    before, somehow,
    i would turn into the other part of myself
    that no one could really believe.
    it wasn't long.

    i spoke to myself,
    before hand,
    in jutted cursing language,
    about how only the true me
    could win a heart.
    only me,
    with all of my cobras of intellect,
    no shields or deep chasms
    could ever really mean a thing to her.

    the world that we wish for
    seems to come to late
    or never at all.
    i no longer wish for worlds though,
    only moments,
    created from the heart,
    & felt,
    so deeply,
    that they last
    through everything that i know...

    Submitted on 2008-06-03 04:34:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you're a strange one.
    (in a good way)


    this begins so surreally. the carpet, the floor--moving on its ow. the ground dislodging itself from beneath feet. but this time, it wasn't caused by anything, just... natural shifting...

    and--worlds are unreliable. all we have is a breath out, the feel of grass upon thighs...


    the one thing i wonder about (form-wise) is the use of "our" at the end of stanza 1.
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    This written by Chelebel
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    A Drink written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bond written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]