Sooner or Later -------------------------------------------
My head ran dry
My love ran off
My heart wants tears
To swallow
This is about nothing
The only clue I'll give
This is about something
The only thing I miss
This is about life
In its most devious way
This is about mortality
And the question why we stay
As God told me in a dream
Suicide is a mortal sin
And we laughed about this little joke
While we shared a silly grin
He sat down and took a smoke from my pack
And told me that he owns me now
While he used my lighter and leaned back
Staring at my ceiling with a frown
God is old... real tired
Drinking all my beer
Telling me to take good care
Checks my phonebook till he finds
The magic word that makes him disappear
I'm sorry--is that how you prefer to be addressed? I've never asked. Or do most people call you M-Dog, or Machine? Maybe you prefer to just go by "Dream" or "Big D". I'm just asking:)
Anyway, on with the show:
This part is my favorite:
As God told me in a dream
Suicide is a mortal sin
And we laughed about this little joke
While we shared a silly grin
He sat down and took a smoke from my pack
And told me that he owns me now
While he used my lighter and leaned back
As far as the first stanza--that seems like it is the beginning of another poem-- a seed planted that was then left neglected.
I liked the piece best in the beginning and the middle of that second stanza-- where you were painting the picture of a happening with your words. It was like sitting there being privy to your "Conversation" --the one you were having with yourself or with the Big G—(that has the best ring to it—“M-Dog and the Big G”).
Anyway, the last stanza becomes too biographical sounding to me.
Also though, to be completely fair--I loathe rhyme poetry---except for some very specific exceptions--so what I'm saying is--I'm biased here.
Did you know studies show that poets who rhyme have a 10 point lower IQ than non- rhyming poets—(on average of course) Poets of mixed styles are closer to the middle range—about 4 points lower than the non-rhymers—but still closer to them that the rhymers only? lol Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
Anyway, what I meant to say there was that this piece is a fun read as is and these are just thoughts.
Just like this one: Are poets more like painters or calligraphers? Maybe butchers--always trying to trim the fat and get to the meat of the thing we're saying..
I wish I had more to say about this than I do, but I love it. I just... I'm not sure why.
I think it's the fact that you took God and made him imperfect. 'This is about nothing' ... 'This is about something'... There's so much thinking involved in this piece, yet the way you started was... a little misleading actually. I thought this would be like any ol' write. The story that's already been told.
But the more I think about it, the more it's actually about. I'm not positive on what you were aiming for, but I could make this mean everything in my head.
Or nothing.
Jeez, complex and beautiful in the most unobvious way.
I'm intrigued.
Confused.
Settled.
... I don't know what you've just done to me, but it should show the power of this write somewhere in my transformation.
You're amazing.
Again, I'm sorry I don't have better things to say. This is such a waste of post I just... Needed to.
Submission Name: Sooner or Later
