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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Do I?


Author: Maskannai
ASL Info:    28/Female/Utah
Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 214 /184 /78
Words: 117
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1139
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 738



Description:

Delving into the heart of suicide and what emotions are felt therein.. I once felt this way many years ago, but not anymore thankfully.. Just lemme know what you think of the writing and its structure.. Please don't assume that this means that I am suicidal because I really am not..


Do I?


Do I take this knife and cut
across supple, smooth skin
as i've done so many times before?

Do I take this beating of my heart
and silence it forever
as i've wanted to since I don't know when?

Life has always been after me
or so my paranoid thinking
has brought me to believe;

The sharp pain
as the blade bites through my skin
sends a shiver of painful pleasure through me;

I want it to bite deeper
to go where it hasn't been before,
but I don't know if I have the nerve;

I close my eyes for a moment
and push hard
and then my eyes are closed forevermore.




Submitted on 2008-06-03 15:31:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  hmm.

i do like something about it.
i dont really know what though.
im not really a fan of free verse or anything but it kinda flowed nicely.
try to make the poem more lyrical and flowing. it will put emotion into the poem. the more emotion the reader feels the more the reader will conect and like the poem even if that feeling was not a positive emotion.

just something to think about.

~annie
| Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by annie smith | [ Reply to This ]


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