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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do I?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maskannai
    ASL Info:    28/Female/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 214/184/78
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 594
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       Delving into the heart of suicide and what emotions are felt therein.. I once felt this way many years ago, but not anymore thankfully.. Just lemme know what you think of the writing and its structure.. Please don't assume that this means that I am suicidal because I really am not..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo I?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do I take this knife and cut
    across supple, smooth skin
    as i've done so many times before?

    Do I take this beating of my heart
    and silence it forever
    as i've wanted to since I don't know when?

    Life has always been after me
    or so my paranoid thinking
    has brought me to believe;

    The sharp pain
    as the blade bites through my skin
    sends a shiver of painful pleasure through me;

    I want it to bite deeper
    to go where it hasn't been before,
    but I don't know if I have the nerve;

    I close my eyes for a moment
    and push hard
    and then my eyes are closed forevermore.




    Submitted on 2008-06-03 15:31:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm.

    i do like something about it.
    i dont really know what though.
    im not really a fan of free verse or anything but it kinda flowed nicely.
    try to make the poem more lyrical and flowing. it will put emotion into the poem. the more emotion the reader feels the more the reader will conect and like the poem even if that feeling was not a positive emotion.

    just something to think about.

    ~annie
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by annie smith | [ Reply to This ]


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