Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do I?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maskannai
    ASL Info:    28/Female/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 214/184/78
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       Delving into the heart of suicide and what emotions are felt therein.. I once felt this way many years ago, but not anymore thankfully.. Just lemme know what you think of the writing and its structure.. Please don't assume that this means that I am suicidal because I really am not..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo I?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do I take this knife and cut
    across supple, smooth skin
    as i've done so many times before?

    Do I take this beating of my heart
    and silence it forever
    as i've wanted to since I don't know when?

    Life has always been after me
    or so my paranoid thinking
    has brought me to believe;

    The sharp pain
    as the blade bites through my skin
    sends a shiver of painful pleasure through me;

    I want it to bite deeper
    to go where it hasn't been before,
    but I don't know if I have the nerve;

    I close my eyes for a moment
    and push hard
    and then my eyes are closed forevermore.




    Submitted on 2008-06-03 15:31:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmm.

    i do like something about it.
    i dont really know what though.
    im not really a fan of free verse or anything but it kinda flowed nicely.
    try to make the poem more lyrical and flowing. it will put emotion into the poem. the more emotion the reader feels the more the reader will conect and like the poem even if that feeling was not a positive emotion.

    just something to think about.

    ~annie
    | Posted on 2008-06-03 00:00:00 | by annie smith | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162124

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry