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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Daddy Capitalismdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aaron Felix
    ASL Info:    17/m/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 141/148/71
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 63
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 605



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Daddy Capitalismdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the static was
    influential
    in his work it was
    blissful silence
    in the politics

    when
    uncle random alternative
    drank from the
    too much cup

    it took
    a million
    years to
    get out!

    tangential to this
    is the
    mansion
    in which
    all of what
    of them
    lived

    ironically, very still
    and yet
    unmentionable
    tax poetry:

    courtesy
    The bard IRS.




    Submitted on 2008-06-05 04:22:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked this a lot, especially the 4th stanza. my only suggestion is that the last line kind of deflates the whole poetic tone of the piece. don't know what to tell you - you've got a real flow going up to that point and maybe you need to find another way to wrap up this piece. just me 2 cents - feel free to take it or leave it.

    peace, love and all that other junk,

    joe
    | Posted on 2008-06-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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