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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Before the Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1366



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore the Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    On the day of the abortion
    she woke early, before the sun.
    Showered, painted her toenails purple
    shaved her legs and put on her best friend's clothes.

    She went to an elegantly decorated room
    with impressionist paintings on the wall
    and soft music playing.
    Her friend joked and said it looked like a day spa, then left to run errands.


    Minutes later, she was taken into a private office
    and counseled by a lovely looking Latin woman
    who spoke of family and plans of staying up late on Christmas Eve
    to make tamales

    The doctor showed her the "structure" and gently explained that
    because it was "so small" they would "plate it out"

    She envisioned her tiny child lying dead on a metal tray.
    But she nodded all the same
    and said all the right things:
    "Not the right time."
    "Best choice for me."
    Then they soothingly sent her off to sleep

    When she woke
    her first thought was
    I'm cramping, I must
    have gotten my period!

    Then she remembered
    the truth
    the structure had been
    plated out.
    A nurse assured her that they "got it all".





    Submitted on 2008-06-05 15:40:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Bill is correct in saying that this piece is well done and strangely effective - I believe the detached, cold sentiment of your word choices convey the true meaning behind this poem: That the moral standpoint in terms of abortion is ambiguous and that these clinics are inclined to make their clientelle feel at ease about what could be considered murder to some. The small details, aka, the latin woman, painting toenails, nurse, "structure"...these are all details that illustrate the young woman's experience with the abortion clinic. You used these details to perhaps curb the reader away from the concepts you were getting at, perhaps part of the whole cold and detatched nature of the poem. Excellent read...I enjoyed it. Makes one think.
    | Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like Bills's take, because it is up to the reader to feel how they are going to feel about this.

    I think most interesting, is the getting ready part... the painting of toes, the shaving of legs, the wearing of someone else's clothes... I mean god forbid, someone might cast judgement... (but that is putting me into it... because I always think that someone else would notice such things, like stubble and naked toenails and think sheesh...doesn't she take care of herself???).

    and actually, the lack of emotion here is fitting, as I think with something of this nature, there is a detachment that is a necessary... (but again, that is putting me into it... I always find the emotions hit much later, after the fact)
    | Posted on 2008-06-06 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      I once read that orgasms are more intense while pregnant. Which led me to wonder how many women out there get pregnant, have great orgasms, then visit the abortion clinic.

    The poem itself didn't do much to me. Being a nature kind of guy I believe that people capable of abortion will abort themselves (slowly) out of existence by having less offspring.
    | Posted on 2008-06-06 00:00:00 | by machine dream | [ Reply to This ]
      The doctor showed her the “structure” and gently explained that
    because it was “so small” they would “plate it out”

    She envisioned her tiny child lying dead on a metal tray.
    But she nodded all the same
    and said all the right things:
    “Not the right time.”
    “Best choice for me.”
    Then they soothingly sent her off to sleep


    This is quite an unflinching portrait of abortion, with the soothing clinic as calm and antiseptic as a funeral home and staffed with those trained to respectfully never raise their voices and constantly reassure the patient that what they are about to do is the right thing. There could be a sense of revulsion, there could be a sense of finality and relief, but no emotion is thrust heavily into the face of the reader. The choice of a moral standpoint is left squarely any and all individuals that come across this post.

    Well done and strangely effective.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2008-06-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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