Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everythings Gon Be Aight Now Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 299
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1787



    Description:
       feeling strange for awhile


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverythings Gon Be Aight Now Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I tried to tell the mailman what I was thinking
    he looked at me

    I tried to tell the landlord how I felt
    she smiled

    I fell over when I was walking to work today
    I scraped my knee'
    the world fell down
    quite suddenly
    the pieces began to break
    and I woke up
    I have smelled this kind of thing before but never
    has it tasted so bitter
    like metal in my mouth

    I broke away from desire
    it laughed at me

    I found peace and calm
    when I closed my eyes clouds rushed in and called a storm

    I trampled on snails walking to my door
    I cried for them
    planted my garden with Zinnias
    and they won't wake up
    I feed them with water
    and they exercise with the yellow sun
    but they just won't come out to play

    hammer down now
    some sweet lonely mother came out

    told me to not worry
    everything gon be alright now
    and I wish I could see it
    wish i could taste something other than this desperate attempt at sanity
    when I know just how weak I am in the knees

    it makes it hard to walk around all day
    just bathing in the blissful ignorance of my own delusions
    it makes it hard to swim
    when I cant breathe

    another wise man told me that it gon be alright now
    and I believe
    goddamn I believe
    I believe and sometimes I know
    except when I dont
    and then Im just another motherfucker
    with some more shit to say
    about how it aint gon be aight now man
    and how it can but it just isn't


    what the shit is that




    Submitted on 2008-06-08 13:06:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this was awesome.
    You make me walk through fragmented scenes and images of dreamy desperation and hit me with raw outburst at the end.
    I can't tell you that I think I understand the details in the same way as you meant them, of course not. But If I were to write down the way I feel some days, when I open my eyes too far, those days that you believe it as much as you allow yourself to, until you decide you want to know, and it feels like your brain is the wrong organ to use...It would read like this poem.
    Thanks for writing and posting this!
    | Posted on 2008-06-09 00:00:00 | by -YonY- | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162263

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry