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    dots Submission Name: Her Promisedots

    Author: Good Enough
    ASL Info:    20/f/MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 5/15/11
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 879
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1274


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    dotsHer Promisedots

    This letter, written to you while you're far away,
    Just simple words, a promise that I'm here to stay.
    The imprint of your kiss still lingers on my lips,
    Your outline still so real against my fingertips.

    Come back to me, so I can lay contently in your arms.
    Worship me, your newfound goddess; seduce me with your charms.
    I smile as I realize I'll easily surrender.
    Baby, this ring on my finger promises forever.

    I wanna kiss you in the dark,
    Outside beneath the stars,
    Wanna feel the fire burning,
    And know that it is ours.

    Wood creaks below our feet, my hair blows in the breeze,
    Eyes slip closed, breathing soft as finally I'm at ease.
    My fears, at last, are banished with you at my side.
    My Light, my Hope, my Love, stay with me, be my guide!

    Sweep us both away to that secret place inside,
    The one that is so hard to reach and only you can find.
    Glowing as I realize we easily surrendered,
    Knowing this ring is your promise of forever

    I wanna hold you all night long,
    Give you my everything.
    Wanna feel you so completely,
    Be the song that you sing.

    Submitted on 2008-06-09 12:53:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think that the fact that the last stanza doesn't rhyme sort of throws the poem off a little bit, because it was so lovely and full of emotion, and I think the rhyming helped with that. Unless, you could always put it in italics and put it on top, and lead with it, or leave it at the bottom with italics, unless you hate formatting. I think the change of rhyme scheme does sort of throw the reader, or at least it threw me. (Not that that's saying much, everything throws me, haha.) But otherwise, this was a very lovely poem, and I think the fact that you could stull find such lovely things to say with the limitations of rhyming truly shows how much love you have for the subject of your poem. I want to know though, for the 4th stanza, is the writer imagining to subject with them, because in the beginning, the writer said the subject was really far away, so I would imagine that it would be a sort of fantasizing, right? Or maybe it's someone that the write wishes to be with but can't obtain? I love it, though. Really beautiful, truly.
    Be well,
    | Posted on 2008-06-09 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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