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3 cc's of separation. . .


Author: huntingjonathon
ASL Info:    31/M/San Fran
Elite Ratio:    3 - 69 /117 /61
Words: 308
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 736
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2012



Description:




3 cc's of separation. . .



3 cc's of separation…
(a carbon copy, of a carbon copy, of a carbon copy…)


10 cc's of scarified debris
caused by generations
of societal neglect,

20 cc's of excoriation
because bad eye sight
is hereditary,

30 cc's of self-denial and interminable hatred
because good body image
is possessed only, by the thin and the meek;

10 cc's of self doubt and complacency
20 cc's of separation from truth
30 cc's of exculpation;
self-diagnosed and medicated

with;
one hundred ccs of unconditional love
two hundred ccs of mommy I Need You
three hundred ccs of FAMilial OBLIGATION!!!!!!

and the whole world,
lives to breed;

seeks out love,
to avoid the pain;

does anything at all
to avoid -- self.

3 cc's of separation
and we all . . . fall . . . down.

First,
it's 20 ccs
injected at arm's length
into the self-loathing, self-doubting part of the soul;

then,
it's 50 ccs
forcibly administered
just above the abdomen, to a place surrounded by a
cage;

it's 100 more ccs
vialed and loaded
to swordplay with truth and moral turpitude;

it's a shot of "god knows what" cc's
to avoid responsibility,
obliterate accountability,
and remain anonymous for species to come;

it's the raining down of cc's
(by the freakin' buckets),
to ensure escapability.
Come on, why buck the trend?

and we all . . . Fall . . . DOWN --

one generation
of separation

at a time.

-jonathon shank




Submitted on 2008-06-10 01:53:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Hm.

The formatting here confuses me:
three hundred ccs of FAMilial OBLIGATION!!!!!!
Everywhere else, it has a purpose, but... random capitalisation, and a bunch of exclamation points . . . I just don't get that.

8th line from the bottom, the "'the' raining down..." begs for an 'of ---' to follow. I'm not sure it should be simply cc's.

And last--you sometimes throw an apostrophe into cc[']s, but other times it's just ccs. So... consistency...



then,
it's 50 ccs
forcibly administered
just above the abdomen, to a place surrounded by a
cage;

it's 100 more ccs
vialed and loaded
to swordplay with truth and moral turpitude;

it's a shot of "god knows what" cc's
to avoid responsibility,
obliterate accountability,
and remain anonymous for species to come;


That freaking killed me. It's one of those moments where I think Chyeaaaah... And -have- to keep reading. It's powerful. It is.

Your ending is good too.

one generation
of separation

at a time.


...Yup.
| Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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