This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Movie about Us


Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 163
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 991
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1046



Description:




The Movie about Us



The opening credits roll
And there stands you and I
Face to face, eye to eye

Silence falls between us
And the fireworks light up the sky
While I pray that this moment
Will last us a lifetime

And I know it must have been
Somewhere in between
The fireworks exploding above us
And the pitch black night around us
that you unlocked the door to my heart
And we fell in love.

And as the movie rolls on
Something starts to feel wrong.
Suspicion, lies and deceit
Fill the silver screens
While the opening scene
Becomes a broken memory
Faded out with misery

The closing credits roll
And the pain takes its toll
With tear stained cheeks
And a soaked pillow

But I know it must have been
Somewhere in between
The shattering of my heart
And my world falling apart
That the movie cuts its feed
And I fall asleep




Submitted on 2008-06-10 02:39:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I love this! I mean it I really do and I can really relate to it right now. I'm not sure though but I think you could make the end a little more dynamic. You could also add something between stanzas 3 and 4. It seems to be lacking something there. Other than that very nice.


| Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by SaddenedSongbrd | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



162317