Stir Her -------------------------------------------
Her eyes were the color of a stagnant lagoon, murky and terribly uninviting. And if you locked stares long enough you could see that the waters of her eyes longed to be stirred. Perhaps the right words could skip like pebbles within them and bring life back again.
I know we're supposed to offer some sort of suggestions, but I can't come up with any. This seems complete. I enjoyed reading it. I think the beginning really grabs the attention since rarely do we hear of the color of someone's eyes being compared to anything like this. Theyt're usually compared to things that are considered by the general populace to be beautiful. While I can appreciate the look of a lagoon, it isn't to everyone's taste. This deviation from the expected catches the attention and draws you in.
Also, this work is so powerful in such a short space. I love how some people can say so much, so perfectly in such a short space. This is one of those instances. I love the image it conveys, and the way it goes about unveiling it. Beautifully done.
Wow, this is very descriptive like phil said. It almost reminds of the times that I drive past that swamp in town and every time I see it, it looks to still, and almost dead. I like that you chose that comparison, because it really does make the eyes seem really dead, and it's funny about the people because I've felt the same way about that swamp. Phil already nitpicked, and I'm not even good at that anyways, haha. There's not as upsetting as not being able to put light into someone's eyes, though.
Be well,
~Azura*
Submission Name: Stir Her
