[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: poems in the mirrordots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1366


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspoems in the mirrordots

    this morning presented itself
    as still-life
    from the inside.
    while the wafting ghosts
    travelled over my olive fingers
    & napped their way across my eyelids
    in a way that was anything
    but the soft hushing that i've known.
    it was more like the squelching birds
    beneath my nails
    & this circuit-board brain
    of atlantis
    that seems to stretch stars
    like nothing ever happened.
    like nothing
    like the framed wrist-cutter to my right.
    i'm not sure when it happened.
    night has a way of forgetting me.
    it always finds me
    in the dark,
    which is where i, also, find it,
    & moves into
    the empty part of me
    that waits for something
    that will never arrive
    until i've put it out
    of my secret thoughts
    i have this tendency
    to look for someone
    where the air
    meets my honeyed tongue.
    & there's a door here
    that, once entered,
    will lead me to her hidden self.
    i find poems in the mirror
    after i wake
    each morning.
    i seem to always
    be searching
    for this abundant always.

    & then i wash,
    but the beast is everywhere....

    Submitted on 2008-06-10 15:58:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ah ok. I see now what you are doing. I was a bit confused on my other comment but the title of this piece explained it to me. It's like you're exploring yourself through poetry. I like this one it has some good black and white flashes. The ending is not that great though. I can see that indeed our styles have some similarities. I could see myself using this line: "from the inside." exactly like you did in this poem. My work is diverse though. Try exploring it some time, especially the old ones that don't show up on the first page you'll find some different views to writing poems. Also I recommend reading "mathematics2" you'll see my aesthetic side there...
    | Posted on 2008-06-11 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Love written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]