[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the sacrificedots

    Author: gwenn sundala
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 76/70/51
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Story/Passion
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 869

       i wrote this when my fiance borke up with me three years ago. at the time, i was devastated, and i wrote this in my despair. after our breakup, he had turned away from his faith and all, so this was supposed to be him in the future looking back and seeing the hell he caused me and asking himself, "was it worth it?"

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe sacrificedots

    they never thought this would happen,
    or that he would amount to anything.
    putting them in their place,
    he arose to victory.
    even his own family was shocked;
    repentance had ere fore been lost on him
    since the death of his first beliefs.
    he now rises up and stands strong;
    opressed still, but not unwilling to accept help.
    pride, his family now feels,
    ever more, they shall celebrate his victory.

    later in life, he looked back and saw secrets hidden;
    is it worth it? he wonders,
    saving my life in hopes of better work,
    yet at the cost of hers?
    someone please say i did the right thing,
    leaving her to a death that
    i may now have a better life.
    free my soul from this torment,
    else i shall perish; and her sacrifice be in vain...

    Submitted on 2008-06-10 18:42:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      that's really sad. I mean I've seen the move up the ladder bull once or twice and i really do hate it. It's really really uncool. You wrote about it nice though, even though it's not a nice moment. The middle break gave the good twist feel and the old English is a nice add in, i miss old English [ i hate how English is spelled with cap. E a-Ha ]

    | Posted on 2009-06-25 00:00:00 | by every48seconds | [ Reply to This ]
      Life is a struggle that we're always trying to win. Hopefully, the sacrifices along the way prove to be worth it in the end. This piece has depth, but I think I understood it well. May the rocks in your path turn to pebbles! Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      It's good but I dont really understand the topic because you make it so vague. Is this about religion? If you maybe elaborated a little, it wouldnt seem so confusing.
    | Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by SaddenedSongbrd | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Carry written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Cover written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]