...in my vague corroded-by-youth smile...
...strikes me as strange because youth is supposed to be un-corroded. It's youth. It's invigorated and lacking time and destruction. Babies' skin is so soft and perfect; old people are rough and rotten...
...of looking god in the eye
while waiting for the world to stop
throwing mirrors...
Mmm... Throwing mirrors. As in: we created God in our image, maybe. And the world is throwing this face/body/fingers back at you. And maybe the bitterness I'm tasting here comes with knowing/sensing that this is all glass with a shiny background, or just your own face and eyes, staring back at you...
...of finding wishbones made of glass
somewhere between resistance and surrender
along with quotation-mark-accompanied euphemisms...
Somewhere between resistance and surrender. Happy medium... but what you're resisting--I'm not sure. God? Euphemisms? Wishes?
Is it right to only comment on poems that you like?
Or can relate to?
Or because something resonates with you [doesn't make it right]
I read your latest and could find the words to say
But this helps say it, because it offers an alternative
the air between the words of this is like the sound after the last cymbal on 'the tourst' by Radiohead. If you are not aware I'm sure you will be after you've read this. It's a beautiful song, and that last note, though ended, goes on for seconds
or is it minutes, or days, or is it still going in my head?
I have the benefit of a rather nice stereo that plays the non words and the non music better than many others
Because that is what many of us miss in life. The non-words. The non-music. The gaps between what is said and what we hear, where much of the communication lies
So I ramble but the analogy is hopefully clear
So much in this is what is not said, as well as what is, and it is quite lovely, and nearly enough
And of course there is no right, but i really need to know the reason why:
"while waiting for the world to stop
throwing mirrors"
Why?
why waiting for the world to stop throwing mirrors? And perhaps even what do you mean?
For me, this needs to be answered a little more to complete what I think is a near perfect unwritten poem :-)
(i want to say a lot, but i don't want to say it all. i'll pm you maybe. or i'll block your page up and tell you later. but you're delicious. and pretty and ihopeialreadytoldyouwhothisissoyoudon'tthinki'macreep.
(i am but shhhhh))
There should never be any guilt concerning love. We are human. We love. That's just the way it is. It is what God wants us to do.
Sorry, I sound like I'm preaching. I'll stop.
Your poem's three stanzas speak of questioning love, of doubting one's self. One need not break "wishbones "when one can decide for themself. Whatever the choice it won't be wrong if it's done in the name of love.
you know jayde, i wonder sometimes if the big picture is just too big to carry in one's pocket...
like change to jingle, like silly little sins that hold us back...
maybe mirrors aren't always for looking in. maybe they are there to refract the light that is much too large for our pupils to hold...
maybe the only real mirror, whole mirror, is the one that god holds up to us when we are ready, when we are willing to see what god sees...
i am so frightened of that image somedays...
and i am not sure why...
'forwantofabetterword'...
i don't know if there is another...
What I don't like: nothing. I wish I could be harsh, but I can't.
What I do like: the length is short, placing more emphasis on word selection. That's okay because you pulled it off here. "corroded smile of youth" is a great, great line. It infers that youth is polluted by the outside world and imposed upon by the sadness thereof. "Between surrender and resistance" is good because you take an element that is broad and unspecific and dress it up a bit - you disguise the uncertainty the character is feeling quite well. Also forwantofabetterword is a slick. You wanted a better word but, again, you dressed it up with cleverness and had fun.
for some reason this simple line and the space, the implied pause, after it captured me from the start.
I thought you had some lovely imagery, and I like the ending,
"of love
forwantofabetterword"
I think we need another word sometimes. That we must either redefine the word "love" or stop using it so much, because it seems to me that there is this thing we call "love," but it doesn't fit the definition we give to love. Anyway, I thought it was a beautiful read. Since we are supposed to give some advice, though, sometimes I point out little grammatical things IF I can't come up with better advice. In this case after "vague" I think that there should be a comma before the "corroded-by-youth smile".
the title reminds me of that famous physics book 'the short history of time', how out of a small dot of infinite denseness came the Big Bang and formed the universe.
the same author, now forever trapped to the confines of his wheel chair and the high tech system that allows him to communicate with the rest of the world, now claims that universe or better -universes form backwards; we are here now, but it is from the point in the pesent does all the past begins. not really coherent, but nonetheless.
your piece reminded me of this astrophysics theory -hence the reference to the mirrors and their capability of forming interreflections going on forever,
and the silence of the first words-
there were moments
the whole of universe sitting on your porch and contemplating -on its beginning, its future, its end, all mixed in one vortex of quantum physics models.
probably it's a mistake to bring in so much physics, because after all this piece is... well lucid? living by its own after the words escaped your fingertips, greating a fathomless cosmos of innerinterperceptions...
what i'm trying tp say? that this piece despite it's simplicity is somewhat obscure (like the beginning of all the things) and perfect.
defiance, yes. confusion, a possibility. a quick whip on the buttocks by a stranger, a scary proposition.
why is it mirrors and glass, such brittle things. why.
i don't know. i never did.
yay for awesome titles. I was wondering when you'd just do like me and post whatever you had, finished or not.
I love it all, you know. The imagery lends meaning to itself and comes out ahead with 5.8% APR over 5 years. The reflections: teeth, mirrors. The way the meaning and focus changes with every line, every strophe.
love. it means so much to us, yet it's never quite the right word. There's nothing in the world without words that lends itself to such an easy, undefined catch-all, and calling it that seems like a punishable offence.
Great Job!!!!
This write to me basically describes the trials and tribulations the youth of today go through
I see it everyday my Friend trust me I realize it truly isnt easy being a young person in todays society
EXCELLENT JOB!!!
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
Wasn't it David who said, "How shall the ark of the Lord come unto me?" Is it possible understanding comes with the attitude of the one seeking answers; the one trying to find not only information, but the frame of mind and spirit essential to build a relationship that can withstand the fear of disappointing a loved one? Perhaps God comes regardless, like a breath of wind on cat feet, not because we're perfect, but because we need Him.
That is the essence of my babble, young lady. Take care of thyself in the meantime.
Gorgeous lover. Again, the feats that make you a powerful source of energy is displayed along with your penchant for breaking the rules that need to be broken.
S2 is my favorite. The imagery and the way you painted it is simple yet uncanny.
This, again, is one of the reasons why I married you.
Submission Name: a short history of defiance
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