[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: feathered spiesdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 526
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1175


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeathered spiesdots

    the softness of laughter
    is lost on me.

    & as subtle as the moon may be,
    the strong pull
    of the sun
    no longer calls to me.

    i see someone,
    at times,
    staring at me
    with those busted birds
    & i honestly wonder
    why i bothered
    to have a body
    at all.

    i dream
    of children in my sleep
    that come to me
    & toss
    palms full of smiles
    at my feet.

    then i awaken
    to some living body-miracle
    that i can't define.
    the surface of my life
    seems so intangible
    at times.
    as if it were always slipping,
    like i do,
    into a cathedral of mind.

    i wish the whole of the world
    to open into me
    wherever i am.
    & for it to swallow me
    beneath the coolness
    of it's land.

    i need to grave into something
    before i die.
    i need loose trees,
    tall skies
    filled with feathered spies...
    i need something
    that i'll probably never find.

    Submitted on 2008-06-11 14:01:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it.

    nice piece although almost annoyingly apathetic to anything that resembles form or flow.
    which is fine.
    | Posted on 2008-06-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      i disagree strongly with what paradox said... i think that poetry is a writer's way of depicting their thoughts and inner conflicts and is ultimately theirs alone. i love this write because it is almost like a train of thought and the words flow like a song. keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2008-06-12 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm... This is good although a bit ego-centric. A poem should not be just about you the writer and your way to interpret things. You should expand your mind a bit more and let your thoughts wander all over this world. Then write about it. Anyways, it's a good write!
    | Posted on 2008-06-11 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]