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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Happy Fathers Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 248
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1572



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHappy Fathers Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    oh how it seems
    it was just yesterday
    when i finally met you
    tear in eye
    hand round the back
    didnít know what to do
    my how time
    has fallen to the side
    since i have
    last seen you
    if i could
    see you again, why
    iíd stab you with knife
    no, i wouldnít stop there
    iíd also stab your
    fat ass fuckin wife

    you left me there
    to die AGAIN
    can i ask
    what i did do to you?
    all i wanted
    was to know my dad
    years have past
    still iím so confused
    you were just
    like i was warned
    and all this pain
    is because of you

    i tried to love
    tried to undertand
    led by example
    tried to be a man
    but you still hate me
    and i hate you
    i hope you fucking die
    thats all i want from you

    you killed my dreams
    broke my soul
    my own father
    now iím not whole
    i despise
    what youíve become
    forgive me not
    for iím not your son

    i am nothing
    in the least like you
    you were NEVER there
    i deserve better than you
    but still it hurts
    why couldnít you care?
    was i so wrong
    a mistake, you couldnít bare?

    cause iíd bleed in black
    and write in red
    iíd rewrite, all
    these words iíve said
    but i must confess
    this pain angers me
    goodbye again
    nothing left for you to see




    Submitted on 2008-06-11 18:27:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Baby, I can't really comment on this one in any semblance of an un-biased way...
    for reasons you already know. but OK, I'll try, here goes.....

    This write pisses me off, not because of you; but because any parent could [ever] make their child feel like this....even without the details I know, you know? [not that they don't add to it..]

    You had a lot of emotion, and it was def. passionate enough, as far as actual "critique" goes though I'd just have to say it could have been a little cleaned up in length.
    but at the same time, taking away from it would ruin the emotion and revising it would ruin the sense of impulse and passion of that moment.....so I'm not saying it needs "Fixed", just something i noticed.


    I liked it though, from a slightly objective view, as far as what you put into it and the way you held little to nothing back :].


    I'm sorries though ((hugs)) this write pisses me off :( could you even really consider a guy like that a "man" at all, [censored] "dad"- that's out right away; but I'm pretty sure calling him a man would be a longshot too.

    I love you <3
    | Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dismentled
    This is sad so Incredibly sad
    Im sorry you want throught the pain you did with your Dad but I Promise you I will be Praying for you Both
    If you can find it in your Heart I Pray you can forgive him
    True I dont know you or your Dad but Dismentled if you could find it in your heart to forgive him a chapter will close in your life that was filled with many depressing and agonizing years
    I know we may have had our problems in the past but I can understand the pain you feel towards him
    I get along with my Dad good but their our those who I too would find it hard to forgive if they asked me to
    Again Great Job!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-06-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    162377

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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