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Always on my mind


Author: Krinchinian
ASL Info:    20/f/pa
Elite Ratio:    3.12 - 164 /231 /84
Words: 94
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 864
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 602



Description:




Always on my mind



I find myself thinking about you
During the lonesome hours
Remembering your bright smile
And our nice cold showers

Your on my mind all the time
It's hard to concentrate
I can't wait to hear your voice
For that I'd stay up late

My nights get quite lonesome
When your not by my side
i can't wait for that one day
When I'm the blushing bride

With you I want to grow old
And love you more each day
Side by side for all time
Is where our bodies will lay




Submitted on 2008-06-12 09:42:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  i like the rhyme scheme and the overall structure of the poem is streamlined. i think you have great potential as a poet. everyday words that you used painted a wonderful picture.
keep writing
ali
| Posted on 2008-06-12 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh my! What a delightful love poem! I'm impressed with its near perfect meter, story, and rhyme scheme! Nice work, lovely lady! I hope the story of this poem comes true for you!

One correction is needed; you should use the contraction "you're" (contraction meaning you are) instead of the possessive your in the first line of the second stanza and again in the second line of the third stanza.
| Posted on 2008-06-12 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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