Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cinderelladots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 502
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 847



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCinderelladots
    -------------------------------------------


    She turns from ashes to lonely,
    She is no longer burnable.
    no longer fuel, no longer passionate,
    but as always hurt-able
    vertical lines sweep peacefully up,
    her slope and down through,
    and there with a kiss, she awaits,
    and hopes to crown you,
    she's found you worthy,
    and slips into glass slippers,
    Past hitter miss,
    And at last then get mad with her.
    her tiara is bright, with jewels,
    few have ever seen.
    some are missing,
    the two she needs to be a queen,
    the night of 360 days,
    passes as an hour,
    ponder if she's your white rose,
    or just another flower,
    but she is gone,
    the shoes are about to break,
    it's almost midnight,
    question: is she fake?






    Submitted on 2008-06-13 11:30:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      My favorite lines were the first three:

    "She turns from ashes to lonely,
    She is no longer burnable.
    no longer fuel, no longer passionate"

    These lines set the tone for the whole piece, and I absolutely adore them. Its as if they made the ends of my nerves tingle with a familiar yet foreign sense.

    This was beautiful. I love the way you took a well known fairy tale and brought it into a new light with this poem. Its slightly sad, almost like you pity her and her "prince".

    Very very VERY well done.
    | Posted on 2008-06-13 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162442

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry