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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On a Limb to Say My Piecedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Misc/Satire
    Total Views: 824
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1561



    Description:
       This is true you know. It makes me pissy, but I appreciate it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn a Limb to Say My Piecedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel the need to state my appreciation for a couple of things

    I appreciate the memory of a band
    that no longer exists
    except on myspace

    I've taken robiotics
    they check my systems
    systematically
    they tell me the things that I don't know
    and have no need to
    and it cost me two hundred and seventy-two dollars for that information
    so I pay them twenty-five dollars a month
    to keep them satisfied

    I appreciate the bills

    I walk up and down the aisle all day
    and sometimes I stand in one spot
    so I can be productive
    the company makes sure I have a pad to stand on for my back
    i go to the break room and I have water there and Tupperware
    full of peaches
    and a role in my locker
    and an mp3 player in my ear like a car stereo for ears

    I appreciate my job

    sometimes i see my friend and he tells me I am stupid now
    he tells me I am awful now
    he tells me he likes to talk to me but he doesn't like the things I say

    I appreciate companionship

    I want it all
    don't you
    you do

    I want to be healthy and wealthy and thin
    I want to have riches and bitches and men

    I want it all
    but I have nothing without appreciation
    as sad and unfair as it is
    it is true
    without gratitude
    my attitude
    gets blue
    yours does too




    Submitted on 2008-06-13 23:26:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      That band was just a bunch of losers posing for photos.

    This made me laugh. I can feel the sarcasm, which I guess translates to satire. If it's true that this is how you feel and you actually do appreciate it... well why satire? I can understand, but at the same time I don't.

    "I appreciate the bills" feels more sarcastic than "I appreciate my job", but I can understand how it is/could be sincere.

    "and an mp3 player in my ear like a car stereo for ears" I suggest removing "like". Or redoing it, "and an mp3 player like a car stereo in my ears". I think I dislike the same word being in the same line or sentence more than I dislike "like".

    Your friend sounds like a sorry ass.

    I can't agree with some of the poem, I don't want riches and [censored]es and men, but you tell me(reader) I do on line 30 "you do". I don't really want to be wealthy. I want to be healthy and happy and have a couple of [censored]es. This paragraph is meant as humor and fails miserably, sorry.

    I really am not sure how one can have nothing without appreciation. You can, it's just a bit less enjoyable. Since enjoyment is an emotional thing, it can't be unfair because it comes from the individual. If the individual doesn't enjoy the things they have without appreciating them, then the person would be likely to appreciate the things without thinking "I have to start appreciating this widget so I can enjoy myself".

    I understand it's a simple statement poem. There are my thoughts to it. Now a few typos (I think)

    Spelling/Grammar:
    ?-"robiotics" I kept trying to figure out what you meant and I just realized you were referring to "probiotics". Correct? If not, what is/are "robiotics"?
    -"and a role in my locker", if the bread variety of food, I'm guessing you meant "roll"
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]


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