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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Empty Bottlesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 435
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2630



    Description:
       Written for my friend, David, who has saved my ass countless times already <3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmpty Bottlesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm so alone in this crowded room

    I know you're here with me, with shadows that loom

    The laughter and voices that carry in here

    Slow, Slurring voices all drowning in beer



    I came here to feel, I came to forget

    I put down my chances, and then lost the bet

    And that's where it started, mix poison with blood

    Like pulling back gates that lead to a flood



    I'm not feeling cold, I'm one with the room

    I'm part of the crowd and shadows that loom

    I pick up the bottle and give it a chance

    Not stopping to see your sad, worried glance



    My skin feels so heavy, my thoughts start to roam

    What lengths I will go to, to just stray from "home"

    I pick up another, but lost count at four

    The ceiling I saw, looks now like the floor



    To my surprise, I fell on my lot

    Laying in bottles adding more than I thought

    My eyes feel so heavy, my head feels so ill

    I grab an orange bottle that rattles with pills



    I count them all up to add to my game

    I swallow them all as you scream out my name

    My stomach is churning and ripping apart

    The pain's growing stronger. I grab for my heart



    The room's growing darker, I'm losing the sound

    I feel your strong arms as I lift off the ground

    You're holding me close and I'm starting to fade

    You lower me down on the bed that you made



    The pain has all gone and I'm falling asleep

    Your bury your head in my hair as you weep

    I'm saying I'm sorry, you say it's okay

    One day I'll repay you, I know there's a way



    The next day I wake, I see your relief

    I'll stop all my drinking, I'll turn a new leaf

    As long as you're with me I know that I can

    I'll face all my demons from which I once ran



    You are my best friend, even though you act tough

    Just you being there is comfort enough

    You say it was fate, that I had more to do

    You think I forgot, but I know it was you




    Submitted on 2008-06-15 01:00:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Very great writing I was stuck to the screen wishin there was more...

    keep it up/

    Totojane
    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by totojane03 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is EXCELLENT!!! the rhythm, It's meaning, the story...I could go on for dayz! Its simple and kept me reading to the end, many peoms dont do that for me, it's the ADD lol.

    When I read this poem I knew it was true because this is how I feel about a friend I have, she helps me live to see the day when things get better and I just don't know how to tell her.

    P.S I cant wait to read more from you, keep up the great work! Kisses

    ~SingleRose~
    | Posted on 2008-12-16 00:00:00 | by SingleRose | [ Reply to This ]
      As poetry this is extremely well done, with really fine rhyme and meter! You really DO understand poetry and what it is and what it can do...you have "the knack" and that is nearly impossible to teach! Most excellent! bravo... bravo... bravo...
    | Posted on 2008-07-15 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good piece. Simple and honest. I like the rhyming and overall flow. It's crystal clear. I'm looking for something just like this to incorporate in my poems as my old schemes are too complicated and abstract. Don't worry though, I don't bite. I can also relate to the subject matter here. It's just like any other night I had in college. I've done stupid things like that. I was like: what pills are those? Wait never mind they are all gone now. :D
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      If a true story, youre lucky not just that you live but that someone truly cars that much,

    I can't really judge you for drinking to forget, but it helps not to swallow medication. lol.

    i love the story line, and the way the friend was at the party the whole time and in the end was your comfort...

    the ryhming was good but at parts forced, the rythem was definatly on track...
    Nice Job.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent, Mariah! You have an excellent story that is tragic but also heartwarming to read, and a very good structure, rhyme scheme, and rhythm! Congratulations on a fine job!
    | Posted on 2008-06-15 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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