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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Communique - reviseddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 741



    Description:
       Occasionally, when things have become quiet...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCommunique - reviseddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tsars, tsarinas, gigolos and gigolettes,
    kings and queens of earth
    and all good partakers
    of the holy lubricant

    hearken...

    An attempt was made
    to oil machinery with blood
    but no adequate substitute
    was found. Human fluids
    animal sap, tree residue
    proved insufficient personae
    for the drippings of a king.
    Therefore the quo
    shall remain status.

    Ah, well
    the good gentlefolk say...

    Id give anything to ride
    smooth streets of flattened glass
    polished as a stone -
    a buffer state of flesh pressed
    into monstrous cracks
    if the blood
    were not my own




    Submitted on 2008-06-15 16:19:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Bill!

    Thanks for kind comment on my anecdote :)

    my intent here today was to reciproicate, in a brief, yet meaningful way. BUT, your write (that i randomly picked from a rather impressive selection!), caught me unawares and cost me some brain power, lol. salute.

    After not understanding the point AT ALL, i have read this little beasty, oh, about 11.5 times and come up with the following for your delectation:
    1. you are in a position of authority, misunderstood and the peasants keep revolting, lol. em. i will be serious -
    2. it is a great commentary on societal structure and the demands on people in power to keep the cogs moving in an organised fashion.
    3. the best leaders, that maintain the status quo, are servants to the people - though there have been dark patches in human history where the opposite was true - with disasterous results.
    4. there are tangible benefits to leadership, which may cause envy from those being led, but if they are not willng to pay the price, they will remain where they are.
    5. you are in love with concepts and the english language. you play with them as one who has been in love for quite some time :)
    6. you equate tsars and tsarinas to gigoloes and gigolettes - i guess driving home the point of servants for the greater good though at high personal cost.

    very engaging, beautifully written, excellent message, concepts all tied up neatly in a little puzzle that i rather enjoyed!

    to conclude - you rock sir!

    best for your day,
    b
    | Posted on 2008-08-20 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      The Tsar of the start makes me think of the Russian Revolution. As a child I always thought communism was a great idea and that adults must just be really selfish and stupid to not be overthrowing the unfair and hoarding government. "Imagine" was briefly my favourite song. But then with school and reading, Animal Farm and gulags, it wasn't hard to realise that we don't live in a world built for utopia however violently we push things.

    And because a utopian world doesn't exist any civilisation is always going to have bloody foundations. It's the same if we change things, it's the same if we don't. We're [censored]ed.

    As for aesthetic critique, I like how the voice isn't traditionally poetic, rather it's quite restrained, almost formal like a real communique. It makes it all the more subversive. Like a gadfly in an evening suit making an after-dinner speech.
    | Posted on 2008-07-26 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome revision!
    The change in the last stanza (paragraph?) really clarifies the poem,
    brings it all together and into the present day.

    Humans have always stood ready to sacrifice others for their own beliefs.
    Sad, but true.
    Our current gods are machines, and we sacrifice much at their altars.
    That's saddest of all.

    Very thought provoking write, I enjoyed it a lot.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad at all RWS
    I may be wrong here but I believe you are speaking of how machinery such as robots are starting to take away jobs from us humans
    There were warnings of this for so long and I have to say it really started taking off in the 90s were there were plenty of people losing their jobs to machinery
    In the long run I do believe major companys are making a huge mistake going with machines
    If you think long and hard about it it good eventually sdpeed up the unemployment rate rapidly
    Excellent work
    This write definately made me think and I Hope others have a chance to read this carefully and realize the sad results of machinery
    Excellent work!!!'


    It was Great to see you posting again
    Its been awhile since I have read anything new from you
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron

    I would also like to wish you a Very Happy and Blessed Fathers Day :-)
    | Posted on 2008-06-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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