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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Someonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katlord
    ASL Info:    4927/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 358/168/72
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 69
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 452



    Description:
       to a dad I hate to love.
    Though I know he felt the same.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Someonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    To someone who told me I could fly,
    Though I had broken wings.
    You lifted my spirits
    setting my dreams into motion.

    To someone that told me
    always show kindness and love
    To never stop dreaming
    That you'd be watching me from up above.

    To someone that I hate to love
    I'm sorry it is this way,
    But I have something to say to you
    Happy father's Day




    Submitted on 2008-06-16 20:00:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. It's sweet, and I like that you tied it to father's day. I also like how you describe your dad. It shows how you remember him. He's taught you those lessons that are hardest to learn. Pick yourself up when you fail, even when you think you can't, and I see that you appreciated him for that. It works well.

    However, you lost me a bit at the end with the last few lines. I get why you hate that you love him, because it hurts to love someone who is not here to hug you, but your emotional convictions from the first few lines was lost in that last bit. I think the last line ties it all together neatly, but maybe look into "But I have something to say to you" and change that around a bit?

    Other than that, it's really great! I liked it, and it is very touching. I would just drive that emotion home a bit more? (Or disregard all this as pure nonsense :-))
    | Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by qwicksilfer | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww! Cute! Haha.

    It sounded all serious... and then "Happy Father's Day" LOL.

    -Evelyn.Aeon.
    | Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by masqueradex | [ Reply to This ]


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