May 14 by sadtrapofgravit

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Submission Name: May 14 dots

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Author:	sadtrapofgravit
ASL Info:	103.f.wa
Elite Ratio:	7.27 - 177/164/65
Words:	79

Class/Type:	Poetry/Childrens
Total Views:	98
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	627

Description:
sort of old. the sentiments, at least.

was going through this iamsoimmature phase for awhile... maybe i still am?

hm.

May 14

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You forget, and I suppress
that I am still
dirty soles of feet,
dandelions,
& buttercups.

Tiptoeing through the squishy, mucky non-lawn,

to see the raindrops gathered
in sprouts:
diamonds.

You forget I'm still
a quavering little kid,
wonder why I blush
at your illustrations.
We hold hands,
but only because
it's supposed to be ironic.
Because at this point,
it should be done
simply to feel
the sweaty warmth
of fingers
and palms to palms...

Submitted on 2008-06-16 20:02:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  sad? hm.
i think it's pretty and perfect. (and i mean that in the best poetic way of both pretty and perfect).
i've been here. haven't we all? and isn't that what makes it beautiful? a little slice of something real, something we all feel at some time (i'm guessing?) painted in a way that brings the sights and smells and sounds to life in the readers mind. ick. "mind" is lame and completely not the right word. well, whatever the thing is that makes a person feel like they are there all over again, in it. ok maybe it is the mind but i would rather call it something else like; the transjigglieofier. yup. right next to the pancreas i'm sure. umm.. ok that's probably about enough out of me.
i like this a whole bunch.

~g
| Posted on 2008-08-07 00:00:00 | by grey | [ Reply to This ]
  This I do not find to be erotic at all but actually very sad
To me you are speaking of perhaps a first Love that carried over into adulthood and sadly those times of innocence that are remembered from the begining of your relationship are gone
This is so true in first Loves that linger a little to long
Great Job!!
I do hope you find the Happiness you are looking for
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  ...still liking your eclectic voice, lady. Sometimes I just want to tell you [censored] yeah, write your [censored] [censored] and don't let anybody [censored] tell you otherwise and if they do I'll [censored] them up. And really... I don't talk like that unless I'm super fired up. And I dunno what it is about your work, but it makes me all fired up in one way or another.

So yeah... specifics now... (and sorry for the vulgar language)... you know, to be an echo, this IS pretty. Especially this:

You forget, and I suppress
that I am still
dirty soles of feet,
dandelions,
& buttercups.

Tiptoeing through the squishy, mucky non-lawn,

to see the raindrops gathered
in sprouts:
diamonds.

"Diamonds" is so unexpected and it makes me tingle! Haha. Because, words like "forget" and "suppress" and "dirty soles of feet" and "mucky non-lawn" are depressing for lack of a better way to express it, so... um... diamonds. Beautiful. Adds depth and a spectrum, you know?

Bah. Words fall short. Can I just say I like it and be on my way? Sometimes I hate giving feedback. Oops, I didn't just type that.

~Alia
| Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by Storm of Bliss | [ Reply to This ]
  wonderful work - good enough to get published. submit it somewhere. a fave.

peace, love and all that other junk,

joe
| Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it, the whole thing sang of simplicity mixed with an air of nostalgia. Maturity in being immature so to speak. descriptions of squishy lawns and bare feet, sweet palms, it all excites the senses. I understand zen-dogs erotic explanation, though not sure if its for the same reason he posted that, all the feeling in some of those verses, its just... exotic, erotic, feel-able, palatable. you know? I really enjoyed it, was short, and sweet, like that after dinner glass of wine. There was an air of innocence, and corruption. But hey, whos to say?
| Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm.

Soh..... it's ironic
because at this point you should be embracing/ indulging earhtly/peoply comforts. Ok.

See, first time I read it I didn't quite get that.

But it's all perfectly clear now.

I think we all have that time in our lives where we let everything glance off us for fear that embracing everything might blow us apart. Or because we're still not rid of religion. Or we're just hoping for the naivity of childhood. Or just oblivion itself. Or all of those.

Yeah. You captured that. In a little glass jelly jar.
| Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
  pretty. erotic.

woosh.
| Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by zen-dog | [ Reply to This ]

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