I like this. I like the sudden change of the tide because it exemplifies a vicious reality that nothing is too innocent to suffer, cause suffering, kill or die. I also admire your depiction of that violent human quality that most of us possess - the need to feel like we should be gods among insects.
The style is also very effective. It gives a form-fitting shape that allows the piece to be simple without being dumbed down. It also shows that everything in the piece is a necessary element that needed in painting the picture.
Apart from it being well written, it also has that cold, child-like feat that ironically gives it more personality.
the latter half of your poem abruptly collides with the readers understanding, as a delightful story, of success, becomes a violent reality. i was left wondering how the mouse died, and still, why he had to.
dont we all know that, even had he not succeeded, his life would have nevertheless ended?
i appreciated the depiction of life, though, simply disagreed with the logic...
Submission Name: The Mouse
