the pursuit... by wonderbread1000

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Submission Name: the pursuit... dots

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Author:	wonderbread1000
ASL Info:	22 / male / ...
Elite Ratio:	8 - 33/6/4
Words:	61

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	77
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	488

Description:
love is something lost, but hardly forgotten.

the pursuit... dots

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the message speaks of loneliness,
and misery.
the thought motions your heart to
hasten, for
an instinct credited by memories of
love lost
beckons tears to fall and eyes to look
elsewhere...

for being obligated to oblige motivation,
with contempt,
a gesture becomes our rationale,
with eager compositions offering
true portraits of assumption..

love, then, becomes destined to fail.

Submitted on 2008-06-16 23:04:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I loved this, a lot. It'll get a fav. The way you broke it up, and structured it, caused me to read it in a sort of bluesy scat or something straight out of a jason mraz song. It was intense, entertaining, and flat out captivating. I have to say the logic, combined with the style and flare, really make it stand above. Theres just something about that thing called love, that manages to inspire.
| Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
  well the killer word of all good comments has entered my system. this has been.... interesting... but i can't get rid of the feeling that i've already read something like this - in terms of the intentionally slow flow, in terms of breaking the lines the way you did.

not that it is sometimes creditable- from the point of view of
A) the meaning (the breaking disrupts perception in stanza 1) better do it:

hasten,
for an instinct credited by memories of
love lost

because like this FOR in stanza 1 will correspond with FOR in stanza 2

B) the flow - in stanza 2: i think it would be better to break it differently, even though it doesn't really fit in with the general pattern:

for being obligated to oblige
motivation,
with contempt,

i like your budding and tethering use of what's the word? alliteration, like message-misery, love-lost, gesture-rationale... but it's not too profound to be noticed at first glance, and not too powerful; but maybe it's better that way.

i like the somewhat clichéd and yet somewhat fresh (because of the way you put it) idea that we tend to create images of a person, and fall in love with that image; loving our fantansy instead of a real person; in which case love IS desatined to fail. with time - as the real person becomes too big/too small for our imagery.

| Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. I don;t think I can fully comprehend that. It was deep, I suppose. I'm still trying to figure out why you had placed your stanzas that way, I like it though. However, I don't think I can agree with your output on this, not all love fails. =[ ah wells. Still, great work. I wouldn't change a thing, hun. =]

x3 Taki
| Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by RulerxTaki | [ Reply to This ]

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