How can you sit there seemingly docile?
Calm.. As if night, as the stars remain at Play
Ignoring my endless Plight as I watch you..
While dawn turns to Day.. And Darkness to Night
How can you sit there and pretend, pretend I’m not here
Afraid to Acknowledge, My presence near
Although I stare, stare unlike any other with a special look..
My- Lovers Glare
How can you sit there, tell me you care
Smile at me.. While I look into your eyes and glare at your soul
Is all I see, Trapped inside
How can you sit there…and simply stare back.. Blindly
I gave you such sweet visions
And in return you gave nothing..
But still I sit there and I continue to stare
Though I hold it inside..
I know now my feelings aren’t right
Therefore I give up..
Nothing left I can do
This lost lovers glare
Becomes faithless and confused trapped in the shadows
And no longer do I wonder
How can sit there
Upon the angels wings, whistling in my ear
Dreams I too wished on that endless night
Hoping you would acknowledge this lovers Plight..
I just want to know..
How can you sit there….
| the very beginning was a bit unnatural and the flow was off, but it started to straighten out in the end. you had a good use of expression here and it shows||| Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ] || "Lost lovers glare" hit me hard creating self realization. I'm usually the detached blank stare with nothing to say while someone pours out everything they have in front of me. It was great to hear the other perspective poetically told, it helped me see some of my past relationships.||| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by mr. | [ Reply to This ] || I like this, and I like the emphasis on certain lines that you made using the capitalisation. No one else seems to get it, but I think I do? |
It's truthful, honest, sincere. You could be angry and bitter about this, or heartbroken and aching with sadness... but you're not... you're dejected and certainly folorn, but your dignity stays intacta, this is no bleeding-heart write, but instead a quiet lament to what may have been. You have some lovely word choices too... lemme go grab a couple that I particularly liked...
"As if night, as the stars remain at Play" That was a sweet line in particular, and throughout you display a good vocabulary and some interesting choices, I liked that you began with "docile" as that's such an underused word, and I have no idea why.. all the same, well done, keep on with this, and good luck!
|| Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ] || your capitalisation is interesting, but I didn't find a purpose for it. so it would look better if you just use caps at the beginning of your lines. sometimes your lines feel a bit disjointed, like jumping from one thing to another but it's okay. stream of consciousness like, but a little bit hard to follow. still it is well written and it's easy to realte to. although a little structuring of your thought might make it easier to follow. but that's just a suggestion. it's nice as it is.||| Posted on 2004-07-04 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ] || I think we all understand the message of this poem too well. It suckswhen things don't work out. I remember being in this situation many a time. People act as if everything is Ok and thy've done nothing wrong. As if they have no guilt for the pan they've caused- some don't and that's too bad but it's life. (Sry for rambling). lol. This poem had uniqe vocab and is very true. You did a great job of writing a poem we all can relate to. ||| Posted on 2004-07-04 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ] || Thas too bad man. This is a very frank expression. I wouldn't capitalize Plight - its honestly something most ppl know personally in this case. Its good that you were able to be friends - it takes a while to learn that just because you feel something for someone, doesn't mean they have to feel the same for you - or even act like they do. They just sit there...|
|| Posted on 2004-07-03 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ] || ahh the ever horrid relationship that will never be more than it is... i understand that all too well... all to well. i like this poem because its so truthful||| Posted on 2004-07-03 00:00:00 | by PoetryQueen | [ Reply to This ] |