Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: He Called My Namedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1045
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1059



    Description:
       My muse went very dark in this one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHe Called My Namedots
    -------------------------------------------


    From ashes of the past, it came---
    This voice that called my very name
    And drew me closer to death's edge
    Still wrapped within a lost love's pledge.

    He'd spoke those words I longed to hear
    In whispers heard by just my ear.
    He'd carved his place within my heart
    And left it rotting, torn apart.

    His grave lay deep and dark and damp;
    Yet, there, I wandered like a tramp
    Compelled to listen and obey…
    A maggot drawn to death's decay.

    His evil plan was my demise;
    A starry sky, the perfect guise.
    Romance had borne a blackened rose;
    Its scent quite fragrant to my nose.

    Again tonight, I walked that path
    Oblivious of aftermath
    And fell still deeper in that pit
    I've come to find a perfect fit.

    I feel the mud that buries me
    Within my own insanity;
    While others never hear his voice,
    Within my mind, I have no choice.





    Submitted on 2008-06-17 09:39:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Based on this and the other two works I have read form you, you should be looking for a publisher, or at the very lest put together a chat book for local consumption. I myself am about to try one or the other and I don't feel I have half your skills.
    | Posted on 2008-06-29 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      After i read this a few times, i realized that the strength in this is the ability for almost everyone that reads this to relate. With that being said, it is very easy to become cliché with a topic that everyone can relate to, but you did not go down that route. The imagery was wonderful, and it carried a bit of a gothic tone. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      Yoooooooo! This jawn is hot, the rhythm, the ryhm, the words and that which they paint. Damn yo, I know how you feel, that fatal attraction to someone you know is playin you. Yo, this is hot.

    I never thought I'd say this but.......I'm a fan.

    Groupie status all day
    Keep up the good writing
    RED
    | Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by red_summer | [ Reply to This ]
      "a maggot drawn to death's decay"

    I don't know where to start. How about..your imagery is phenomenal. The entire piece glimmers with the right amount of metaphors and descriptions.

    The story is dark and sad, but very human.

    I adore you for this wonderful piece.

    :)
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      This is dark for you Sharon, but it is excellent with a very lucid story, excellent structure, rhyme scheme, and rhythmn! Amazing the places our Muse will take us at times, isn't it?
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an amazing portrayal of contrasting emotions. i could totally relate to this right now, and you just...i am so bad with words...the character was so clearly depicted that i could almost invision in my mind the young lady and all the imagery surrounding her. that was another good thing; the use of imagery was excellent. i really enjoyed this piece. great work.
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162610

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Linger written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry