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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Banshee Spirit (rewrite)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    ASL Info:    47 Female New England
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 170/211/66
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 108
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 833



    Description:
       
    Just a little tweaking here and there.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBanshee Spirit (rewrite)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    At dusk a white mist moves above the hillock.
    Banshee inhales deep as she awakes.
    A vortex slow, prepares to prance about her.
    Leaves of painted frost begin to shake.

    With skill she molds and shapes a howling windsong.
    She trips the light with long and silvery hair.
    Humming hymns the leaves dance with her madness
    as her breath, an icy quiver, fills the air.

    Banshee warns with wails of death that beckon.
    Her music motions cries of sad lament.
    Bone chilling screams articulate an echo
    of moanful melodies, but transient.

    Telling tales she utters untold secrets.
    In magnitude, the dancing leaves commune.
    Hypnotic screams supplant her surreal weapon
    beneath an eerie, late December Moon.





    Submitted on 2008-06-17 16:19:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Its a very ethereal, larger than life poem. From the words used, to the imagery created, the whole thing is somewhat spiritually above reality. I tend to prefer more down to earth poems, with more connections to my life, but I enjoy a good one like this every once in awhile. Something about the diction used, and the occasional alliteration just helped it to progress. You have a strong command of language, just wish you'd apply it to something more down to earth. A fun thing to try... to shake things up a little bit... try describing something simple or menial you do each die, like drinking a cup of coffee, and apply this style of writing to it, and see what happens.
    | Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is absolutely beautiful.. The rhyme is well written and flows very nicely.. I just love the image you have painted of the banshee.. In stories the banshee is an evil creature and you have kept with that, yet at the same time added the mystery that should properly surround any fantasy creature, and done it very well.. Beautiful imagery when you described the banshee's wail as well..

    Thanks,
    Tiffany aka Maskannai
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]


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