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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The other halfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maskannai
    ASL Info:    28/Female/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 214/184/78
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1421



    Description:
       This is actually a monologue, not a story..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe other halfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Morning," I say to that strange girl as I pass by the mirror. Her hair is messed as if she just rose from bed. I yawn in agreement and stretch. She is always there, watching me day after day, every time I walk by that damn mirror.

    "So I'm off to the office. What are you gonna do today?" I ask, trying to be nice, but she doesn't answer. She never fucking answers.

    "Fuck you then!" I scream and throw a bottle of hair spray at the mirror and her ugle face. I storm out of the apartment and head off to work, fuming still at her rudeness. Later that night I finally make it home. It's been a long day and the last thing I want is to have to deal with the silent treatment. She is still there as I pass by the mirror and I flash a warning glance her way. She glares back and I snort my annoyance, then head to bed. During the night a burglar breaks in and decides he wants to play with the sleeping woman rather than steal from her, and no matter how I scream, the girl in the mirror doesn't come to help me.

    "I hate you!" I scream at her as I beat my bloody fists against the mirror and sob uncontrollably. I press my cheeks against the hard glass surface and feel her cool embrace surround me and I take comfort in the only friend I have ever had, the girl in the mirror who is the other half of myself.




    Submitted on 2008-06-17 20:33:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      absolutely genius , wonderful wording ,seaking from the heart , checkout my poems
    | Posted on 2009-03-28 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]
      I love, absolutely love the actual story or plot of this monologue. The way you thought it up... well its quite original. I get a little shaky when it comes to your imagery, not always the best words were picked to describe situations, and I found a few words appearing repetitively. I, unlike most artists, enjoy a good "[censored] you then", because it brings the story or poem back down to reality, i feel like i can relate better to such raw emotion.

    Try adding some new spins, and changing up your style a little bit. As well as using different words for mirror, glass, and others that are overused. Good luck, loved the read.
    | Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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