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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blushdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cloacina
    ASL Info:    25/F/KY
    Elite Ratio:    5.24 - 20/53/54
    Words: 544
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3757



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlushdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dusk blushes
    in timid shadows,
    dusts skin
    in powdery, charcoal smears,
    Of origin black,
    oak gray,
    And Appalachian, twilight blue.

    We lie on his mattress,
    a c*ckĎs length from the floor,
    Looking rubbed down with dirty hands.
    Dark finger paint on faded canvases,
    Night collects in the valleys of our skins,
    Draws an outline of his resting giantís form,
    For me to stow away in,
    Hides the pink heat
    thatís surfaced in his face,
    As the body offers up secrets
    the mind would ferret away,
    Saving something for Winter,
    For good friends and hard times
    when there is nothing else to do,
    But offer up pieces of yourself
    for sustenance.

    Itís easy to find his heart,
    land marked by a pink scar underline,
    Still pounding with an urgency,
    Long after his thighs have stilled next to mine.

    Bones and warm leather carry the vibrations outward,
    drum skins and tuning forks,
    Sifting the frantic movements,
    Of a heart mimicking the desperate fluttering of captive moth wings,
    Mimicking the rise and fall of a dieing chest.

    It beats as though it knows this is something it will not always do.
    As if it knows I will not always be here for him to fall into.

    The rains beat less ambitiously,
    Not worried that they will someday have no world to beat against.
    His arms are like the muted rain,
    A natural tranquilizer in the uncertain light,
    in the uncertain world.

    Youíre safe here,
    I wanted to believe.
    Iím so sorry.
    You were never safe with me.

    Youíre safe here,
    you said to me.
    Iím so sorry to identify the truth,
    I was never safe loving you.

    I look at the cold, slack sheets where we laid, nodding yes,
    thatís us.
    I confirm the dead,

    Affirming that everything weíd had,
    everything I believed,
    was being disassembled,
    Reduced to dust,
    Reduced to thoughts without corporeal form,
    That would eventually dissipate
    into unorganized, electrical impulses,
    Meaningless,
    waiting on renewed purpose,
    Reduced To disjointed feelings,
    Tendons severed from the base,
    To mere dreams of the truth,
    To the uncertain outline
    of his once familiar face.

    I read an old love letter today.
    Everything looks different
    glancing over a cold shoulder,
    But I always liked to play pretend,
    so I tried to believe the lies
    after all weíd been through,
    Tried to conjure back a time
    when he believed them, too.
    I wondered, what was the most difficult part?
    Lying to me,
    or lying to his own heart?

    I traced the outlines on the envelope-
    two cute inky monsters in love-
    With un-cauled eyes,
    And traced the borders of Troublesome creek with shoes he never saw me in,
    Till I found the ruins where his phoenix rose from the ashes,
    And our love faltered,
    and did not.

    It felt like visiting a forgotten graveyard,
    A monument to something once loved,
    that had died,
    Overtaken by vines,
    the world moves on,
    and all it used to be,
    to do,
    to mean,
    is left behind,
    (this house was once his).

    And we have been overtaken by vines,
    the world moves on,
    and all we once were,
    all we meant to one another,
    is left behind,
    (his heart was once mine).




    Submitted on 2008-06-17 21:14:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      first... im not a big fan of censorship inside poetry, unless it fills some sort of purpose. id take out the * in cock. seriously. es doesnt put the annoying [censored]'s inside a piece of writing, so if thats what your worried about, you dont need to. if you think the word itself/tone of the word doesnt fit with the piece, and -thats- why youre censoring it, then just change the word...
    unless, of course, youre exceptionally attached to the *, in which, case leave it.
    (personally, i think it could only make this stronger to remove it. end of ramble.)


    you have a great handle on descriptive language. a lot of it is really... spellbinding, almost... and definitely unique. this:

    Itís easy to find his heart,
    land marked by a pink scar underline,
    Still pounding with an urgency,
    Long after his thighs have stilled next to mine.


    ... is really cool. you don't write this with a lot of out-and-out, blatant 'fu.ck me fu.ck me'-type language... it's a lot of allusive writing. i like it.

    I traced the outlines on the envelope-
    two cute inky monsters in love-
    With un-cauled eyes,
    And traced the borders of Troublesome creek with shoes he never saw me in,
    Till I found the ruins where his phoenix rose from the ashes,
    And our love faltered,
    and did not.


    ^ ^ ^ Beautiful.

    aaah... (sigh) this is so... like... i would almost love it if it ended here. it could. but at the same time, it needs to go a little further... im wondering if maybe you could say the last bit a little higher up in the piece, and end there?
    dunno... it's an idea?...

    the first strophe is gorgeous. hmmm...

    anyway... im not sure what else to say...?



    this is so sad. and so... like... fevered, almost. theres an underlying passion, but it's shadowed by the death of this love. (sigh)

    im loving your words, miss.
    (not helping the mood, but my fingers are itching to write some more right now, and thats all that matters, eh?)
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]


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    162639

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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