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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sex, Love and Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 501



    Description:
       The Song - Coldest by Tank


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSex, Love and Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    running through shallows pools of you

    educated synopsis of you

    simple visions of you

    your

    sex, love and pain


    wanting to know your routine

    sitting here, screaming for your team

    desiring you're

    sex, love and pain


    dancing in moon lite oceans

    pulling from expected emotion

    i desire your

    sex love and pain




    Submitted on 2008-06-18 17:21:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      100% agreed with hybrid, the imagery could use some detail, not to say that simple imagery is bad, it just takes away from what youre trying to accomplish, sex love and pain
    okay fine, but what about it?
    spruce it up a bit, throw in some details it will sound good, good write.

    bill-
    | Posted on 2008-06-20 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry, but wouldn't this be classified more as poetry instead of lyrics?
    With that being said, it was decent. It brings up a thought of "cute obsession" but it really needs more development, and to get more in depth. It uses alot of erratic imagery that kind of makes me, the reader, lose focus from the point.
    | Posted on 2008-06-18 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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