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    dots Submission Name: Alive at Nightdots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1373


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlive at Nightdots

    You know I toss each night
    While I'm thinking about you
    It won't turn out bright
    Says the pain I'm going through
    I try and mute it's negativity

    I focus on the way I want it to be
    I try and forget everything that's real
    I pretend that you're here with me
    You're almost close enough to feel
    I like this nightfall insanity

    The delusions comfort me to my slumber
    They continue through my dreams
    There's a girl there, I know I love her
    And we're both as happy as could be
    I wouldn't want to be anywhere else

    She starts to fade as everything brightens
    Don't leave me here alone, please
    The thought of such loss does more than frighten
    It brings me down unto my knees
    The warmth of the sun brings me to myself

    I release a sigh as it all comes back
    My memories flush in at the speed of light
    I again am forced to face the facts
    And then my loneliness comes into full sight
    Only so much a dream can do

    I get out of bed and tred on with life
    More like death while my feet move on
    In my dreams you would become my wife
    I have more life there than in this one
    I feel so lost without you

    Submitted on 2008-06-19 01:40:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this very much, now I dont neccesarily like to write in rhyming too often, but when I do I like to think of ideas like this. I read it and I had to get the flow down but I understood it, and my fav part was "She starts to fade as everything brightens
    Don't leave me here alone, please
    The thought of such loss does more than frighten
    It brings me down unto my knees
    The warmth of the sun brings me to myself"
    for some reason thats a nice juxtaposition of words, if I do say so. Not overly awesome but good write. Bill-
    | Posted on 2008-06-20 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      things that everybody has felt once or twice in life but i havent read any poem so far that cud have expressed these feelings in any better a manner. it was simply breath-taking and it is more of a streaming of visions and scenes and not just a poetry. one of the best write-ups i have seen in a long while bruv...amazing!

    | Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
      The solid and simple rhyming from the beginning stanza to just before the last reads in easy time and almost conversational. The break and difficulty in the last stanza that appears in wording, as if the rhyme just didnt come as easy as the others. But that makes the last stanza translate as more desperate, more of a choking on words. Very sincere, nice work.

    Byes, Ash.
    | Posted on 2008-06-19 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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