I like this very much, now I dont neccesarily like to write in rhyming too often, but when I do I like to think of ideas like this. I read it and I had to get the flow down but I understood it, and my fav part was "She starts to fade as everything brightens
Don't leave me here alone, please
The thought of such loss does more than frighten
It brings me down unto my knees
The warmth of the sun brings me to myself"
for some reason thats a nice juxtaposition of words, if I do say so. Not overly awesome but good write. Bill-
things that everybody has felt once or twice in life but i havent read any poem so far that cud have expressed these feelings in any better a manner. it was simply breath-taking and it is more of a streaming of visions and scenes and not just a poetry. one of the best write-ups i have seen in a long while bruv...amazing!
The solid and simple rhyming from the beginning stanza to just before the last reads in easy time and almost conversational. The break and difficulty in the last stanza that appears in wording, as if the rhyme just didnt come as easy as the others. But that makes the last stanza translate as more desperate, more of a choking on words. Very sincere, nice work.