I see this as layered, maybe with a sense of controlled folly over admiring one so much. I think the layering depicts modern incarnations of god, the Christ perhaps? Someone whom we personify as superhuman simply because we have no other
means of knowing.
You are truly a deep and beautiful person and I know that you've earned the right to write about these things.
And finally there is a sorrow for one who has painted a godly man in degrees of legend that just aren't true, and then, how else would we choose to remember someone?
Exactly as the Divine does, being purified and having raised themselves up to touch the sky.
I read this as a "Lost Dad" calling out a daughter's name upon dying. An instance of self-induced "deliverance" and not of forgiveness.
Just a few small suggestions; S2 - L4 I'm hung up on the word "whom" and feel you could replace it with "the daughter" (if I read this correctly) or with "one." I think it will read smoother that way. Also in S4 - L1 Make it "He now..."
I feel it was probably more a case of your name being an anchor. No matter how "lost" they become, they always remember.
this makes sense to me but i dont know how. like... if i make myself think about it i get all tied and tangled up but if i sit with this piece and let it be then something inside me seems to agree or something...
i know this is a nonsense comment. which is a cue that i should go to sleep right soon
i like that he doesnt deserve the peace and finality he seems to find in your name... that it wasnt given to him or earnt and yet somehow he has claimed it to be his on some level or other.
i enjoyed reading your writing. very thorough, very definitive...i would have to agree with ronswords, in how a mere amount of us remains beyond our 'demise'...your second stage of lines, they are difficult, placed corruptively. too many options, as your poetry here was fluidly offered, or perhaps, commanded. these lines in particular negate the style of the piece, i feel, and are due to be better organized.
altogether, however, the message of the poetry far overcomes my opinion of placement. well done, keep it up.
This write I found to be very strong
To me you are speaking of how there is a little bit of us left on this Earth after our demise
I believe that strongly
Be it memories or the energy we contain within our earthly body there is always something left on this Earth to remember us by
Excellent Job!!!
I look forward to reading more from you in the future
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
Submission Name: Deliverance
