Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deity of Dancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ali Marie
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 105/106/76
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 667
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 808



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeity of Dancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The dance of my spirit, intertwined in reality,
    takes its turns and spins among the painted worlds.
    The dips and twists fill with emotion and chemistry.
    This free-flowing music embraces the curves,
    takes on a life of its own.
    The mastery of the promenade takes years to complete.
    With the experience of a lifetime,
    the dance becomes a magnificent
    flow of soul and reality-
    never sure which is the lead.
    The fading of the melody finishes
    with a bow, a curtsy.
    A changing of partners~
    my very essence gracefully accepts the hand-
    the hand of the Deity.
    I am blessed with the wisdom of all secrets.
    He twirls my soul
    as if there is no other purpose
    but this very dance...




    Submitted on 2008-06-19 17:43:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is wonderful and descriptive. You speak about the dance very well, and the rhythm of the piece never halts, though to me it falters a bit over the word "magnificent" on the eighth line. I think it would help the meter more if you used a three-syllable word instead.

    This poem is so lyrical it could be sung.

    I especially like when you say you don't know which is in the lead -- soul or reality.
    | Posted on 2008-06-20 00:00:00 | by WhatYouWill | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162716

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry