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    dots Submission Name: letter from an Atlanteandots

    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 910

       It was rather waterlogged when it arrived at my door, but I think I got most of it transcribed and translated correctly.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsletter from an Atlanteandots

    This city is not the place you think it is,
    forsaken and forlorn,
    always wishing for the world above.

    No, we are just like anywhere else,
    a cold and vast metropolis
    where sunshine exists briefly
    in the watery fragility of each moment,
    where none of us can want for air
    as none of us has ever known it.

    We were all born in water:
    our first thoughts were of damp,
    our first breaths were the fluttering of gills.

    We were all born to water:
    we are her daughter
    and she holds us, always.

    We were all born as water:
    swimming as a fish swims
    breathing as a whale breaths
    melting fluidly into a dusk of light.

    And sometimes,
    if we are very quiet,
    we can hear the vast and empty crowing of the wind.

    Submitted on 2008-06-20 09:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really like the way you set this piece up and then almost juxtapose it with but-

    but has such power to completely reverse a piece and take it in a completely different direction. its almost like the what if of poetry for me.

    i like what the but brings to this piece... the idea that water isnt natural for everyone... the idea that it brings fear and death and trepidation as well as live and breath and being.

    a solid idea for sure and well executed
    | Posted on 2009-06-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this piece. The imagery is just immaculate and beautifully played out. I see where your commentary type requested was: "bash it", but i just can't. It's like hitting a pretty girl, its just too hard when something is this good.
    | Posted on 2008-06-20 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]

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