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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: kaliedoscopedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
       Who is she?
    (EDITED 8/19/09)
    (EDITED 10/23/10)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotskaliedoscopedots
    -------------------------------------------


    she has always wished for beauty
    even, perfect beauty
    such as that that sings in the blank skies
    and unmarked snow

    (the crumpled leaves and fading roses are too ugly for her;
    they curl into nothingness)

    in her mind
    the rain falls cool, even, and unvarying
    our eyes are all blue acuity
    and our hearts beat in time with hers

    (no red and bloody pumping muscles
    no, these are flimsy, pink, symmetrical hearts
    two mirrored curves cut out of thick paper)

    she loves only perfect people
    with perfect friends

    she hates tangled hair
    and jagged fingernails
    and tear-stained, blotchy cheeks
    and four-leaf clovers
    and me




    Submitted on 2008-06-20 09:43:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'll take a stab at the challenge, I think...

    She is a part of you, as she is a part of all human beings. We can't help but long for perfection, beauty, happiness, the red rose delicately opening. Even if dead leaves in the gutter and a chain-link fence are more beautiful.

    The wiser part of ourselves can see poetry in the imperfect four-leaf clover. But to the girl in the poem, the clover does not exist. The sky is always blue, unblemished, blank.
    | Posted on 2009-03-30 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this poem. I'm having trouble saying why, but I think that much of it is because your phrases describe these two people in a way that they seem so familiar. Probably another reason they seem familiar is because I can see both these people in myself. But maybe that's because of the way you write.
    The only constructively critical (best way I could think to say that) thing I'd say is that the third stanza and two lines following it seem a bit awkward, as if they're only there to lead into the last part (which, for the record, is my favorite). You've got all the makings of a great verse there, but it's not quite at that stage yet.

    I give up: Who is she?
    Great poem though. I don't understand why no one had commented on it (until now!)
    | Posted on 2008-07-30 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]


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