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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: False Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Angel
    ASL Info:    15/F/Tx
    Elite Ratio:    1.94 - 12/78/71
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 125
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819



    Description:
       It's more of a rap, well this is to you Keon.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalse Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's poison in your body
    It's venom in your mind
    It;s all false memories
    All fucking lies

    There was no real touch
    No real words
    All fake feelings
    As fake as you were

    You tell those lies
    Tricking me again
    And you took it
    Just like a win

    It was a game
    You became the playa
    All your hos oblivious
    To each otha

    So how do you feel
    Alone in your head
    Thinking back on
    Everything you said

    But let me tell you boy
    You're sadly mistaken
    You can't get me back
    I'm already taken

    It was a game to you
    But now it's a cemetary
    Cuz to me
    It's all a false memory




    Submitted on 2008-06-21 21:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ...lol i was not trying to be a "Playa" I mean it. things just..wait??? what am i doing? Tsk nevermind.
    | Posted on 2008-06-29 00:00:00 | by Zadokya | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked its seriousness and flow up until this line

    "It was a game
    You became the playa
    All your hos oblivious
    To each otha"

    It makes the poem lose it's seriousness and look like some gangster poem. I think it would be much better without that line.

    Btw, cemetary is spelled "cemetery". I think if you fixed those little errors, it would be great!
    | Posted on 2008-06-26 00:00:00 | by riotgrrl1881 | [ Reply to This ]
      Strong Words
    One can see you were able to rebound from this relationship and move forward
    Thats all one can truly ask from a bad relationship
    I Hope you find the Happiness you are looking for
    Great Work!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-06-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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