[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Caught in Life's Undertowdots

    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 581

       Just for information purposes, this was a challenge poem.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCaught in Life's Undertowdots

    Blue streams of floating thoughts
    flow down the River Woe
    and turn to blackened grief
    within its undertow.

    To venture down its waters is to risk a grasp on life
    becoming just a victim to depression, pain, and strife.

    With anguish at each turn,
    time's rapids churn remorse;
    dark sadness strikes sharp rocks
    along life’s wayward course.

    Despair meets mere existence found afloat on misery
    reminding ev'ry drowning soul that Woe won't set you free.

    Submitted on 2008-06-22 09:50:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow that almost brought me to tears i loved the part as to how u sed dark sadness strikes sharp rocks
    along life’s wayward course. but i do think u can change one little thing. change blackened into a easer version of it it got really confusing right there but other then that it was really good and i meant it when it almost made me cry and i was in class when i read it!!!!!
    | Posted on 2008-10-01 00:00:00 | by vencix | [ Reply to This ]
      That read very well and depression and suffering have inspired many poems - this was a great challenge poem and I'm glad it's not from experience!

    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-09-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      What an excellent treatise on grief and despair, presented in a rhyming poem! This has excellent structure, rhyme, and rythmn, and tells an excellent story! Bravo on a fine job, lovely lady!

    I think the reader would follow the rythmn scheme better if four line are used in the stanzas that have two long lines.

    By the way, what was the challenge?
    | Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]