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    dots Submission Name: Caught in Life's Undertowdots

    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 581

       Just for information purposes, this was a challenge poem.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCaught in Life's Undertowdots

    Blue streams of floating thoughts
    flow down the River Woe
    and turn to blackened grief
    within its undertow.

    To venture down its waters is to risk a grasp on life
    becoming just a victim to depression, pain, and strife.

    With anguish at each turn,
    time's rapids churn remorse;
    dark sadness strikes sharp rocks
    along life’s wayward course.

    Despair meets mere existence found afloat on misery
    reminding ev'ry drowning soul that Woe won't set you free.

    Submitted on 2008-06-22 09:50:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow that almost brought me to tears i loved the part as to how u sed dark sadness strikes sharp rocks
    along life’s wayward course. but i do think u can change one little thing. change blackened into a easer version of it it got really confusing right there but other then that it was really good and i meant it when it almost made me cry and i was in class when i read it!!!!!
    | Posted on 2008-10-01 00:00:00 | by vencix | [ Reply to This ]
      That read very well and depression and suffering have inspired many poems - this was a great challenge poem and I'm glad it's not from experience!

    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-09-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      What an excellent treatise on grief and despair, presented in a rhyming poem! This has excellent structure, rhyme, and rythmn, and tells an excellent story! Bravo on a fine job, lovely lady!

    I think the reader would follow the rythmn scheme better if four line are used in the stanzas that have two long lines.

    By the way, what was the challenge?
    | Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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