Sometimes I wish I could read the writing on the wall just a little clearer. What can I do, as just a peon, to make the world a little better? I think myself stupid and the only thing I come up with is writing.
Writing is the only way I feel that I am able to change anything at all. I feel accomplished. To change one mind is all I aim for, or let me rephrase that; that is all I expect.
Does anything ever really change? Inevitably, no, things remain the same. People get rich, get poor, get healthy, get sick, and then they die. So I guess the real change comes from inside. Not the world of humanity, but each individual mind and soul. Writing validates that. I know little or nothing about myself until I let some ink fly onto paper like arterial spray on the wall.
Writing is my evolution. I never truly know the meaning of any of my pieces until I have finished writing them, and have reread them a million times. Then my ideas wash over me like ice-cold pool water; shaking me up and burning my eyes.
I feel tangible. I see my writing as physical proof, not just flashing images on the projector in my head. My pages of writing are my existential heart and brain.
I doubt this is just me, I am sure others exist like me. Wannabe superheroes, vigilantes. People who write to aim to change the world, but end up changing themselves. True chameleons disguised as verbs and nouns.
Think just where would some of us be without putting ourselves on paper. We would probably be just a bunch of eccentric whore mongers. Which is probably just what we are anyway, but "writers" has a more noble tone and nuance to it.
So is change possible? Yes, anything that can change eventually does. Writing is the proof of change; throught the progression of language, theme, and ideas. Everything that was taboo long ago, no longer is today. Everything that is "obscene" today, will one day become mainstream. It is up to us to make sure that this happens. We must push the envelope, we must create change. We writers are the God, who makes evolution possible. We radiate new ideas, new languages, new unforseen dreams.
So I have decided, my changes in myself, the good and bad, make the world a little better. Because if people didn't change themselves, nothing would, and what a dreary hell it would be.