Beaded sweat on pointed brows
Panting low with owl eyes
Like predators with prey
Or as a lover to the loved
In some indignant fantasy
Of dreams and dementia
It’s like sex caught
Between a screen and windowpane
For all to see
But none to experience
It’s just another of those
Passing pleasures
That never really meant a thing
In absence of some deep desire
To love or be loved
Some crooked view of
Capturing a moment in a
Glass bottle
Like fireflies on summer nights
That flicker violently then dim
To a dull nothingness
But god her eyes are beautiful
When illuminated and accentuated
By the soft glow
Of dimmed lights
And music.
Like the ocean is just
A big reflection of the sky.
It’s blueness, the only hue
This world will ever know.
Beaded sweat on pointed brows
Panting low with owl eyes
Like predators with prey
Or as a lover to the loved
In some indignant fantasy
Of dreams and dementia
owl eyes are a bit frightening. they are wide open. like you can see everything in them, everything behind them. the kind of eyes you'd want your lover to have (metaphorically not physically i hope )
i like how you compared a predator and it's prey to a lover and the loved.
unfortunately, the loved get eaten though.
It’s like sex caught
Between a screen and windowpane
For all to see
But none to experience
reminds me of a peeping tom...and that gets me thinking about...having sex, but not really being there...seeing it all happen but i'm not in the moment so i don't feel a thing. i'm just watching. and it doesn't mean anything.
In absence of some deep desire
To love or be loved
just going through the motions because you want to be loved, and want someone to love...
i get that.
well...
not from experience because the only person i ever..."loved" was my hubby.
Some crooked view of
Capturing a moment in a
Glass bottle
Like fireflies on summer nights
That flicker violently then dim
To a dull nothingness
i absolutely loved this stanza because my two favorite images in the world are ships in glass bottles and fireflies at night time.
But god her eyes are beautiful
When illuminated and accentuated
By the soft glow
Of dimmed lights
And music.
Like the ocean is just
A big reflection of the sky.
It’s blueness, the only hue
This world will ever know.
anyway, i thought this was beautifully written! your images in this are breathtaking. and though that ending confused me, i still love the piece.
"Beaded sweat on pointed brows[,]
Panting low with owl eyes[.]
Like predators with prey[,]
Or as a lover to the loved[.]
In some indignant fantasy
Of dreams and dementia[.]"
I'm starting to admire they way you write, its actually sort of unique, interesting also, thank god cause at the moment cause it will take a lot to hold my attention by how tired i am, yes i have no life, anyway i think you need to place punctuation in your poem i mean not all poems need it but it helps to stop all your words running into each other.
"It’s like sex caught
Between a screen and windowpane[.]
For all to see[,]
But none to experience[.]"
hahaha interesting take on this part, so far my favorite one, >> but again punctuation is needed.
i like the screen that you placed between them, because a screen can be used in so many ways symbolics.
"It’s just another of those
Passing pleasures[,]
That never really meant a thing[.]
In absence of some deep desire[,]
To love or be loved[.]"
okay i see how you placed this more lust for something attainable, than longing for love that is in itself hard to find or even comprehend. god i hope im making sense. -_- and im about to pass out cause my dog Taz just farted -_- ok ok enough of his stanky ass, i keep saying "i like" and i know im over using it but it's true what you have done so far is pretty awesome.
"Some crooked view of
Capturing a moment in a
Glass bottle[,]
Like fireflies on summer nights[.]
That flicker violently then dim
To a dull nothingness[.]"
i like the imagery i see in this, your first three lines bring to mind of childhood i know im wrong i just want to say what its putting inside my head, well anyway it reminds me of the times when i was young and i put things i wanted to treasure in jars, not knowing i was killing them but thinking i was saving their beauty for my eyes alone. then you move on to the last three lines and then that brings to mind, well our adult minds knowing that once in the jar the beauty we tried to capture and to keep close to us dies off leaving behind a husk of what use to be there.
did i even get close?
"But god her eyes are beautiful[,]
When illuminated and accentuated
By the soft glow
Of dimmed lights
And music.
Like the ocean is just
A big reflection of the sky.
It’s blueness, the only hue
This world will ever know."
though i dont totally know what you mean by the last lines i do kind of get what you tried to get across. it seems like a romantic scene placed into this poem but then some how gets over shadowed by mentioning the ocean, which has a lot of symbolic meaning but something that i admire that you placed in here. this is a really great write honey. im impressed yet again.
Submission Name: Simply Sublime
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