[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: from here, the mausoleumdots

    Author: wool raincoat
    Elite Ratio:    6.99 - 111/149/56
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2928
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1347

       This is the culmination of now. A lesson unlearned.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfrom here, the mausoleumdots

    The world begins

    and so on. God creates physics
    or maybe geometry. Later the inventor invents
    the inventor,
    and what is left?

    The sparrow remains the sparrow
    in flight, on branch, under sky.
    There is no persuasion, no convincing,
    only your solipsism, the condition
    of our generation.

    Build a city on water and it will sink. segue
    Build a boat on land and it will stay.

    There are three, maybe four people
    I can really stand. Even time
    in its proceeding recklessness
    becomes predictable; the routine,
    mundane--meals, books, sex,
    each reincarnated leaf, the rotting compost
    pile you plan on spreading in the garden
    next year.

    We begin courting our limitations, understanding
    the burden language carries,

    to at once represent the smallness of the universe
    and the largeness of perspective.

    Nostalgia means too much
    to be important here,

    where the animals drown,
    where you quietly wade.

    In your defense
    a year passes quickly
    and no one believes in empathy

    They tell me to kill.
    I do what I am told.

    Submitted on 2008-06-22 23:27:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is so attuned to existentialism. Though I've read it before, I just read The Stranger by Albert Camus. It left me feeling empty and forlorn because that is the essence if nihilism.

    And this piece does the same. But I don't see the theme as detrimental in any way. It is just stark enough to awaken, and certainly with some amount of force, those who live the mundane.

    It is nicely laid out in form both from theme and perspective.
    Really masterful writing, in every way. And I love the idea that
    language is inadequate to describe the world as we might perceive.
    So many factors compose our perception and most of all, it lends a bit of hope to the grandeur we've come to know as poets.

    Keep describing your world, I'll be here to listen. I'm keeping this one, and take care of yourself.

    | Posted on 2008-06-23 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy crap.

    I always enjoy your work, but there's the occasional piece that lurks like a crocodile under muddy water, waiting so cold and mechanical, until some wretched beast wanders by and then it's all red, red, red.

    This is that kind of piece, and it's a punch to the gut that takes my breath away.

    The way it starts off stretched-out and cynical, then pulls itself in to a focused, silent fury/desperation/regret, boiling down to that last disgusted stanza. The sheer weight and purpose behind every word. The perfection of your line breaks, the absolute control you have over sounds and rhythms.

    Amazing. Absolutely, undeniably amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2008-06-23 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]

    there are lines in this piece i recognize.
    on their own, in their previous lives, i adored them. put together in this one piece the scare me.

    the last lines feel so alienated. as if you have no say in anything any more. as if thinking for yourself is completely illegal.

    what worries me is how small the universe is and how big our personal voids are... i dont know... its rather unsettling to me

    [see PM for unabridged version of comment]
    | Posted on 2008-06-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]