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    dots Submission Name: The Things You Need To Seedots

    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 911
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 712

       not to sure if i like the title

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Things You Need To Seedots

    Close your eyes
    And you’ll remember
    All the things
    You need to see
    Concentrate on all
    He taught you
    Because the answer
    You see lies within you

    The internal fight
    Will not end
    Until you release
    What holds you back
    You see you cannot
    Achieve peace until
    You let go of the
    Hurt and anger
    That you carry within

    He knows you’re hurt
    And knows your pain
    He is sorry for your tears
    That fell like rain
    He is sorry he
    Left you so young
    A son needs a fathers love
    And in your heart is his love
    For a son that never quits

    Submitted on 2008-06-23 06:58:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you showing life as you feels that is important. your words express many feelings. Keep writing. wonderful
    | Posted on 2008-07-18 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. But the last line in the first stanza "lays" should be "lies"
    This was very good. I loved it. The first stanza was my favorite part. It was very sad, but inspirational as well. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading.

    | Posted on 2008-06-27 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good, Joy! This has good structure, and has a very soulful and helpful message! I have a suggestion for a title

    "The Things You Need To See".

    Nice work, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-06-23 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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