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    dots Submission Name: Orion's Moondots

    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 789

       Wolf/werewolf poem. I love it, if I must say so myself, but unbiased reviews are more than welcome.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOrion's Moondots

    Fire crackling, raging inside her heart,
    burning impossibility apart.
    Hear the thud, pumping blood to lung.
    Eager eyes gaze at a high moon hung.
    Like diamonds are those eyes;
    a vision so sharp, staring
    towards midnight skies.
    Golden irises mirror the full orb
    with loving adoration.
    Teeth like a sword,
    bared in determination.

    She smells the scent of survival.
    Excitement; a predatory revival.
    Paws smack an earth so covered in snow.
    Natures warning; the caw of a crow.
    The Chosen lifts its antlered head,
    sees the creature to which
    he's about to be fed.
    He runs, a lightening bolt to freedom.
    She grins.

    And so the hunt begins.

    Submitted on 2008-06-24 02:23:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i thought at first read,that this was about one person hunting down the other...and that they were about to mate,thru distorted eyes maybe,it had a definite predatory feel to it...i was admittedly a little dissapointed when i realized it was about wolves! and yet it suddenly made alot more sense! point being that i got enjoyment in reading and trying to figure out ur piece,which to me shows ur skill...im actually sorry i waited this long to check out ur work! quite intresting stuff you got here...anyway,i'll be checking back soon to see what u pull out next....crazy....
    | Posted on 2011-03-30 00:00:00 | by crazyphreshone | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh... I was transported for a moment, into another time and place... It's rare indeed, that I find a story that will actually place me into the mind of the protagonist. In this case, The Wolf...

    Great writing skills! I will be reading more! :D
    | Posted on 2011-03-03 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem really does a good job of pulling out the primal nature that makes a wolf a wolf. Not to mention the imagery, diction, and non-repetitive rhyme help build a realistic night scene. You do a good job of keeping the whole thing mystical or fantastical, it makes it much more entertaining to read. Almost magical. Nice poem (and your style is enthralling).
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, first, I love werewolves, so I absolutely loved this as well.. The images you painted of the change and the feelings behind it were beautiful and really helped me see it in my minds eye vividly.. There were a few places where your wording made me stumble a little:

    "Eager eyes gaze at a high moon hung"

    I would probably reword this something like:

    "Eager eyes gaze at a moon high hung"

    ""Paws smack an earth so covered in snow"

    I would reword this a little too to something like:

    "Paws smack on earth blanketed heavily in snow"

    "He runs, a lightning bolt to freedom"

    All I would do with this line is possibly replace "to" with "towards"..


    Tiffany aka Maskannai
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]

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