Let's see now, when I was 5 years old it was time to start school. The first day of school never leaves your memory, at this time I didn't know anyone, or anything about the school. My older brother had attended before me, he was now in grade 6, which is the last grade before Junior High.
He was too "cool" to take me into my class, so I reluctantly took myself to class. I wandered down the halls, and realized, How will I know which is my class?
I suddenly felt to scared, and ran outside the building. I kept going, I had no where to go, my house was an hour's bus ride away. I knew my brother wouldn't look for me at lunch, or care if I was on the bus in the afternoon. So, I started to walk home.
No one stopped, and no one cared. I'm sure they wondered though, why such a small child was walking along the highway with his school bag. I got tired many times, and sat down just to cry. I would slide down into the ditch where no one on the road could see me, and I'd cry.
I didn't want to go back to anywhere. Not home, not school, not anywhere.
When I was close to my house, I sat down and ate the lunch I packed myself. Again in the ditch. I was beginning to enjoy this.
I did make it home, I let myself in through my bedroom window, which was in the basement. I never locked my window, because I liked to sneak out at night and watch the sky.
I stayed in my room until I was sure no one was home.
I did this for a whole week, until the school called and asked why I wasn't attending class. My mother got mad at me, and my older brother. Mostly my older brother for not showing me what class I was supposed to go to.
I always felt bad for that. Maybe because, I didn't really think he had too.
I ended up going to school anyway, even though I had planned to do it for the whole year. Even in the winter.
My school days consisted of me sitting inside and drawing or reading. Once I could read books, I read anything I could get my hands on. Sometimes, I read books I didn't understand. My parents had tons of large books, I always read, but didn't understand most of the words.
One day in grade 6, a teacher called my parents and I in for a meeting. She was worried about me, because I hadn't made any friends, and all I did was sit around and read. No one talked to me, and I didn't talk to them. I hid behind books.
I'll always remember sitting on the other side of the room pretending to read. I wonder if my parents ever found out that I heard every word they said.
"I'm worried about Benjamin, he seems.. well he isn't very sociable with the other children, he even goes out of his way to avoid being called on in class."
"Benny has always been quiet at home as well, he has two older brothers, and a younger one. He always seemed to just take care of himself."
"How old are his older siblings?"
"Well, there's Tom who is in grade 12, he's 18, and David who's 20, and in University. His younger brother is just in grade 3 this year."
"And.. he just sort of looked after himself?"
"Yes, his two older brothers would always fight, even when he was young he never cried when he hurt himself, he just went to the bathroom and put a band aid on it himself. Little things like that, it was kind of a blessing for me."
"Can I ask you something rather.. private? Since he did so much by himself, did you ever just .. comfort him, or help him sometimes, just to show you loved him?"
Silence.
I really did do a lot myself, my parents focused a lot on Tom and David, and when Carlton was born, I completely disappeared from their view. After that meeting, my mother said sorry to me so much, and gave me the lock. I always worn it after that, I just hid it under my shirt.
Junior High was when I met Grant. |
Submission Name: Locked Heart [Part two]
