Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Man Trips Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMan Trips Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shallow winds that whispered soft
    through vacant woods at dawn.
    Noble queens with mates in check
    at loss of knights and pawns.
    Spent men hand-held mowers pushed
    on perfect landscaped lawns.
    Time surrendered innocense
    when human glory spawned.

    Now, bold men stalk little girls
    and tally playground sights.
    Imbalanced minds with triggers held
    in search of one more fight.
    Corrugated myst'ries filed
    for when the price is right.
    Air and water face-to-face
    with twisted winds that bite.

    Secrets born in simpler times
    exposed with heavy sighs.
    Backs are turned as courts adjourn
    with prosecuting eyes.
    Worlds unknown exploit and trade
    their food for parting thighs.
    Truth is masked but can be seen
    by those who hate the lies.




    Submitted on 2008-06-24 15:12:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your command of all the poetic techniques, rhyme, rhythm, tempo, diction, is baffling. You reach a scheme that is in no way repetitive, and your words are so well strung together and inventive, it simply leaves me almost drooling at the pronunciation of the stanzas. Your message of the rise and fall of our society was spot on, we went from kings and queens in our own right to rapist and killers. And how we all seemingly turn our backs on the problems all around us. It's odd to find someone who commands language and alliteration as well as you do, people have been breaking away from styles like that to simple rhymes and write about the same topics again and again and again. Thank you for the pleasant change of pace. +fav
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very powerful piece. What's amazing to me is that you can bring such horros to light and it sounds beautiful at the same time...beautifully tragic. Your ability to rhyme is something I envy...I'm not at all good at that.

    You've brought important issues we face as a society in poetic form. I find that very unique.

    I especially love the poignant innocence of the first verse. And these lines are brave - the part about truth is almost a call to arms.

    "Worlds unknown exploit and trade
    their food for parting thighs.
    Truth is masked but can be seen
    by those who hate the lies."

    Very well done. I'll be reading more of your work!

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by Seagirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    162925

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry