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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The curtaindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    4.9 - 23/30/17
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 86
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1130



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe curtaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    The fabric is a checkered dress
    of a girl who sat
    and daydreamed
    along the side of the hill

    Not knowing that blackberries have thorns that
    prick and make you bleed



    I ask you, girl:
    Why is there light
    streaming underneath the curtain?
    Why is there that light,
    casting your eyes into shadow?

    Is not the sun busy
    on the other side of the house?
    Is it not shining
    through the leaves of the hybrid tree?

    I ask you to go and see
    And when you do not come back
    I go and look for you

    You are sitting and staring up into the sun,
    And shadows around you
    are cast by the high fluttering leaves

    Leaves that are dark green in the early morning, and
    rich russet red when they are held up to the light

    Leaves that are sometimes
    nothing but muddy brown shadows
    lying at the bottom of a pond



    So I say:
    sit and daydream, girl
    Be content with observation




    Submitted on 2008-06-24 21:17:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent, excellent poem. Great fun for me to read, poignant and beautiful.
    | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this, though I can already tell im going to have trouble explaining why. It was very different from most poetry, has no form, jumps around a lot, even the tenses get mixed up from time to time. But the message presented, and the innocence that accompanies it, is wonderful. I love the simple description of a simple girl, in all her daydreaming glory. As she travels from the hillside to a slightly veiled position underneath a tree that changes colors with the light. Its a beautifully vivid picture. I.... cant go much more into depth with this one, I'd like to, but I can't find the words anymore. Its enough to say it was well done and thoroughly enjoyed.
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      A pretty girl too cool in the shade
    moved to the sunny side
    and thought that life was made
    for lazy time and its abide
    but soonly knowing all would fade
    into life gone aseeking place to hide
    from time and its struggles laid
    down to thoughts that have died.

    Thanks for letting me have some lazy time.
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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