[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the curtaindots

    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1161

       Edit: Snip snip snip!
    Another poem edited!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe curtaindots

    the fabric is from a checkered dress
    of a girl who sat
    and daydreamed
    along the side of the hill

    not knowing that blackberries have thorns that
    prick and make you bleed

    her mother wants her to come home and study
    her gods tells her to pray
    her golden retriever is begging for attention from the wooden porch

    and she is merely sitting and staring up into the sun,
    and the shadows around her
    are cast by the high fluttering leaves

    leaves that are dark green in the early morning, and
    rich russet red when they are held up to the light

    leaves that are sometimes
    nothing but muddy brown shadows
    lying at the bottom of a pond

    so I say:
    sit and daydream, girl
    be content with observation

    and someday your dreams will be clinging
    to the fabric that once was your dress

    and the smell of blackberries
    will fill the holes the moths have made

    and your hopes will keep my rooms dark in the daytime

    Submitted on 2008-06-24 21:17:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent, excellent poem. Great fun for me to read, poignant and beautiful.
    | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by liquid | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this, though I can already tell im going to have trouble explaining why. It was very different from most poetry, has no form, jumps around a lot, even the tenses get mixed up from time to time. But the message presented, and the innocence that accompanies it, is wonderful. I love the simple description of a simple girl, in all her daydreaming glory. As she travels from the hillside to a slightly veiled position underneath a tree that changes colors with the light. Its a beautifully vivid picture. I.... cant go much more into depth with this one, I'd like to, but I can't find the words anymore. Its enough to say it was well done and thoroughly enjoyed.
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      A pretty girl too cool in the shade
    moved to the sunny side
    and thought that life was made
    for lazy time and its abide
    but soonly knowing all would fade
    into life gone aseeking place to hide
    from time and its struggles laid
    down to thoughts that have died.

    Thanks for letting me have some lazy time.
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]