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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fragile Touchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 493
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFragile Touchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    That sound, do you hear it?
    The cracking of some glass.
    Watch where you step now.
    The shards are in your path.

    Did you hear it shatter?
    It's been there for some time.
    I know it doesn't matter.
    But you're tredding the shards fine.

    How could you stomp them?
    Yet, you remain uncut.
    It was you that broke it, you know.
    You put me in this rut.

    Now go on to the next one.
    Shatter it good for me.
    Show your rage through every swing.
    'Til naught remains to see.

    You know you were always my number one.
    Though I was bronze or brass...
    Those shards will turn to sand soon...
    My heart is made of glass...




    Submitted on 2008-06-25 00:49:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was written very well. The rhyme was consitant, but the flow was a little off in some places. Many people have used this metaphor but I didn't find it at all cliché. Very good. That is a sign of a fantastic writer. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    »Haely«
    | Posted on 2008-06-27 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      it was okay for the most part
    I liked how it came together at the end however shards/glass is repetitively used so maybe cut back on them a little but
    other than that I think its fine
    good job - bill
    | Posted on 2008-06-26 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well done all the way around - though it is a common theme you managed to keep it visual and the rhyme was spot on.

    Good job!

    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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