In Each Other's Arms by BeautifulSoul

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Submission Name: In Each Other's Arms dots

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Author:	BeautifulSoul
ASL Info:	17/F/In
Elite Ratio:	8 - 68/28/17
Words:	70

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	55
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	397

Description:
Even in life's own hell, if you stick together you will pull through.

In Each Other's Arms dots

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While the flames around were burning us hot,
it was in each other's arms the comfort we sought.
As the demons of hell bore down upon us,
we soared through hell like white doves.
And when we reached the gates of hell,
we left it as if in a spell.
For all we could see was our love for each other,
which not even the gates of hell could smother.

Submitted on 2008-06-25 17:29:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
This is a really nice poem, and the meotion really got through for this. The only thing that I think threw me off a little was the second line.
"it was in each other's arms the comfort we sought."
I don't know, maybe it's the order of the words, but I honestly feel like you need a coma somewhere to tell the reader what the subject of the line is. Also, "we left it as if in a spell" I didn't really understand what you mean with that, but otherwise it was a pretty good write, and you don't have to take my advice if you don't want to it's your work, you know what you mean.
Be well,
~Azura*
| Posted on 2008-06-25 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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