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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Afterlife..dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: StylerDen
    ASL Info:    29/Male/Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 38/59/51
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 401



    Description:
       Dedicated to Abigail, the love of my life :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfterlife..dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thank you, my dear,
    for the wonderful gift you've given,
    As our heart draw near,
    I know im now in heaven.

    No words can replace,
    What my heart have to say,
    When i see your face,
    It has gotta be God's grace.

    So here i am writing,
    To the love of my life,
    You are my everything
    Even till the afterlife.




    Submitted on 2008-06-26 03:13:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In my view poems are best when they are raw and simple. You have the simple part here, now you just need to dig deep, get in close with the raw emotion that spawned this. Give it to us in its natural state, not so polished and reserved.

    Also take mine (and everybody's for that matter) criticisms with a grain of salt. Do it for you first. Do what you enjoy and what pleases you. If you not going for a publishing deal then who cares what anyone else thinks?
    | Posted on 2008-06-29 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      i kind of tend to agree with bagger dude,
    its just kind of stale,
    you should try a different style of poem or maybe change some adjectives or just get out in nature for a while
    ideas come to you quick sometimes

    keep writing, just stray from cliché stuff

    peace bill
    | Posted on 2008-06-26 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      1. be honest
    its Generic...
    and thats the worst thing something can be...

    2, no compliments
    chek..

    3, how did it make u feel
    my feelings now are best accompanied by 'eeeh... u_u''

    4, what part did that
    genereally refering to heaven and god, but especially the "your face is like gods grace"

    5. whitch parts?
    see question 4

    6. what distracted me from the poem?
    your avatar, but thats just me...

    7. what was unclear
    it was pratty clear and straight forward, but thats a bad thing.. a poem must leave your wandering, it must captivate one, make one ponder about what the poem is for.. this one barely raises questions...

    8. What does it remeind you of?
    hordes of other poems that are nearly exactly like it, hence generic...

    9.How could it be improved?
    original content....

    10. What could have been done differently
    see question 9...

    11. What was my interpretation
    stating my interpretation is not nececary, because there is only one way to interpretate this, building on the previous fact of this being too straight forward..

    12. is it original?
    nope.. still isn't...
    | Posted on 2008-06-26 00:00:00 | by BaggerDude | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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